Anniversary

One year ago today, I was fired. It feels as if it’s been many years since I worked at that job, and yet there are days when the pain still feels very fresh. For many months I had nightmares that I keep going into the office to work despite being fired, and no one tells me to stop working or to leave. This morning, I had a dream that my former boss, Momcat, and I were about to have a conversation as to what happened that led to the firing. I woke up before the conversation started, but for the first time, I didn’t feel upset about a dream involving my former boss.

Since December 4, 2006, a lot of things have happened to me and my former coworkers:

Within weeks of my firing, my former boss got pregnant. I still wonder if fertility drugs and the stress of trying to get pregnant was part of the reason why she was so nasty to me at times. It irritates me to think that she may have said to people, “I was so stressed because of Moxie that I couldn’t get pregnant.” While that may have been partially true, I’m not so powerful that I render people infertile. My mutant power is screwing up electronic devices, thank you very much.

In summer 2007, the former boss left the company to have the baby and become a stay-at-home mom. She really wanted to be a mom, and she finally got her wish. I think she had the idea that being a wife and mother would bring her some validation that she’d been lacking. I hope she finally feels met.

In March 2007, I met Joe and he moved in.
While I was ready to be in a serious relationship, my relationship with Joe has stretched me in ways that I didn’t expect. The last 2-3 months have been very difficult on a number of levels and we are trying to be better partners to each other, as well as better to ourselves.

My former colleague and good friend Andrea* moved from Africa to the UK, got into graduate school, and got engaged.
Andrea is an awesome, funny, idealistic woman that I am so glad to know. I really want her to write a book or blog about all of her adventures, like about the time she got paid with a huge bag of money and the time she was teaching English during a blackout in a small Chilean village. Her fiance, Edward, is a charming mega-intelligent Brit who makes you feel like you are the most important person in the room. They should be in town later this month.

Another former colleague, Jenny, left the company to work with some other former colleagues doing something completely different. Jenny was a superstar at the company, loved by many people, but I don’t think she thought so. She worked on one of the most well-known publications and would stay for hours just getting everything done. When she decided to move on to new things, I was pretty surprised, but very happy for her. She and her red pencil will end up ruling a small country one day, if not the world.

I have put myself in a position where I am struggling professionally and financially, not to mention physically and emotionally. I have done this several times in my life, mainly when I’ve felt that I was not appreciated enough at a corporate job. I leave the job, whine and complain about the place, insist that I will not go back to a corporate environment on a permanent full-time basis, and within 2 years or so I am back in the mix, trying to trick myself into believing I can make myself deal with corporate life. After 8 months on the job, I start screwing myself over again. The truth is that I am a grown-ass woman, as T-Wizzle would say, and it’s time I stopped doing this to myself, much less subjecting other people to my craziness. I’ll let you know what I decide to do instead.

*All names have been changed.

5 thoughts on “Anniversary

  1. Lorelei says:

    I notice by looking through your vault that you did not blog about this event initially? Did you discuss it somewhere else? I did have fun going through your vault, though. I turned out the lights when I was done.

  2. Moxie says:

    LORELEI: The day it happened I did blog about it, but I took the post down after 5 days. I was really frustrated at the time and needed to get it all out of my system, but knew I didn’t want it out there in the blogosphere for all time.

  3. Historical Wit says:

    I refer you this from Scent of a Woman…

    As I came in here,
    I heard those words:

    “cradle of leadership.”

    Well, when
    the bough breaks,

    the cradle will fall,
    and it has fallen here.

    It has fallen.

    Makers of men,
    creators of leaders.

    Be careful what kind of leaders
    you’re producin’ here.

    I don’t know if Charlie’s
    silence here today…

    is right or wrong;
    I’m not a judge or jury.

    But I can tell you this:

    he won’t sell
    anybody out…

    to buy his future !

    And that, my friends,
    is called integrity.

    That’s called courage.

    Now that’s the stuff
    leaders should be made of.

    Now I have come to
    the crossroads in my life.

    I always knew
    what the right path was.

    Without exception, I knew,
    but I never took it.

    You know why ?

    It was too damn hard.

    Now here’s Charlie.
    He’s come to the crossroads.

    He has chosen a path.

    It’s the right path.

    It’s a path
    made of principle…

    that leads to character.

    Let him continue
    on his journey.

    You hold this boy’s future
    in your hands, Committee.

    It’s a valuable future,

    believe me.

    Don’t destroy it.
    Protect it.

    Embrace it.

    It’s gonna make you proud
    one day, I promise you.

    I love that whole peice. I know it work for word and when people at work get down on themselves, I start in on it. But still it sounds like your starin at them crossroads. I hope you find what you need.

  4. The Gifted Typist says:

    Moxie, I’ve been down a few of those roads – painful, but worth the personal insights they impart. good luck

  5. Erin says:

    I’m humbled by your words about me. 🙂 Even if you’re struggling, it’s got to be better than that soul-sucking place, right? I keep telling myself that whatever doesn’t kill me…

    Miss you!

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