Words and Phrases I Don’t Want to Hear or Read Ever again

Earlier this year I started compiling a list of words and phrases I was so sick of reading or hearing people use. Today a Facebook friend’s post on grammar and proper usage made me decide it was time to finish up the post and hit the Publish button. You’re welcome.

Über I knew a woman who used this word so much that it lost all meaning. You’re not German, and I bet Germans don’t even use this word as much as we do. So shut up.
Douche, douchebag, douche-y I hate that the French word for shower has been adopted by Americans as the word for complete asshole. I cringe whenever I read it or hear it being used as an insult. For some reason I hate this word more than the see-you-next-Tuesday word (say this out loud and you’ll figure out what I’m referring to), and I am unclear why that word is so offensive when douche is not.
delish Do we really need to abbreviate delicious? I think some people use this word because they think it’s cute, like Rachael Ray with her damn EVOO for extra virgin olive oil and “yum-o” for yummy. I doubt my foodie friends use this term to describe their $50 meals out, so here’s the rule: you can only use delish to describe meals from Jack in the Box. That should kill delish.
Schadenfreude, Zeitgeist, Sturm und Drang, Deus ex Machina; aka, a phrase seen in Vanity Fair at least once per issue I have been reading Vanity Fair since Demi Moore was on the cover back in 1992. And I feel fairly confident in saying that every issue contains at least one of these words or phrases. Hey, Graydon Carter, how about putting these words in the VF style guide under the “Do Not Use If You Ever Want to Write for Us again” header?
inorite?! This is why society is so screwed up: no one knows how to spell so they spell everything phonetically.
unique This word has gotten so abused that it means absolutely nothing. Yes, I get that the word also means “unusual” but my impression is that more folks use the word with its first definition in mind: “being the only one.” I’m not buying it. On “The Voice” the coaches use this word all the freakin’ time to describe the competitors and it makes me batty. Thesaurus to the stage, please!
SMH or any variation thereof, OMG or ZOMG, FML Enough of the melodramatic acronyms and abbreviations, especially FML. Really? Whatever you’re going through is so awful that you feel the need to say “f*** my life”? If it’s truly that bad, then you need to get some offline therapy. We all know you are just trying to get attention and sympathy by way of a long list of comments on Facebook. It’s not cute, it’s annoying. Knock it off.
totes Last time I checked, Totes was a company that made umbrellas. Oh look – it still is.
LOL Personally I prefer “Ha!” to show that I’m actually laughing out loud when I’m reading something funny. Maybe that’s just me. But my impression is that LOL has turned into the social media version of nervous laughter.
Using. A. Period. After. Every. Word. To. Emphasize. It was cute for a hot minute and now it’s just tiresome. Take your passive-aggressive attention whore self elsewhere.
Spelling words and phrases as if they were spoken by someone with major orthodontic work (e.g., Ermagerd for “Oh my god”) Explain to me how this isn’t insulting and derogatory to people who are putting themselves through hell just to have perfectly aligned teeth. When I started seeing this all over social media I had to look it up to figure out what the hell people were abbreviating. If you’re gonna rag on people for using the phrase “retard” or “retarded,” then this little bit of shtick has to go as well.

What words or phrases make your head explode? 

6 thoughts on “Words and Phrases I Don’t Want to Hear or Read Ever again

  1. Here are a few to add:
    Brecky, breckie – Just say breakfast! You are an adult not a freaking 2 year old! Do you say dindins?
    Bestie – This word always looks like beastie to me.
    BBF – Seriously, forever is a mighty long time and unless you are 11 years old, please don’t use this phrase.

    • Personally, “brekkie” doesn’t bother me, mostly because I see it as a British phrase & I’m admittedly an Anglophile. I am with you on everything else.

  2. I am thoroughly fed up with woman who self-identify online as mummy, as though they have no other role in life. The worst offenders are a group collectively known (to themselves and presumably to the world at large) as yummy mummy. So wrong in some many ways!
    Also, I too use HA! when expressing online laughter. I know people who use lol after every sentence (which generally end in !!!). I want to smack them.

    • I have fallen down on the job of checking comments, Barbara, so I apologize for my long delayed response.

      Yes, “yummy mummy” is troubling. How is that radically different than being a MILF? Don’t answer that.

      Excessive LOL’ing along with more than one exclamation point is also a pet peeve of mine. Once you’re done smacking them around, send ’em my way, would ya?

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