Pretend Boyfriends

About a month ago Deena and I had one of our marathon phone chats. These started when we were teenagers and our parents would yell about astronomical charges on the bill. Over the years, our conversations have run the gamut from boys to clothes to cats to work. In this particular conversation, we were back to boys. Specifically, we talked about TV characters we would date/not date.

It started when Deena said she would date Jim Ignatowski from “Taxi.”

jim ignatowski meme

Moxie: Wait, what did you just say?

Deena: I would date Ignatowski. He’s fun. I would date Kramer [from “Seinfeld”] too.

Moxie: Yeah, Kramer’s crazy schemes would keep things interesting, that’s for sure.

We then proceeded to name sitcoms and other shows from our youth, picking the characters we would have dated. For “Happy Days,” she picked the Fonz, but when I asked who she’d date out of Richie, Potsie, and Ralph Mouth, she picked Ralph. I picked Potsie. “Richie was too uptight,” said Deena. “Ralph would make you laugh.”

Then there are the TV dads. When I asked her to choose between the “Family Ties” dad or the “Growing Pains” dad, she picked Steven Keaton from “Family Ties” right away.

Deena: He was funny and compassionate, and I liked it when Mallory or Jennifer would do something f***ed up and he’d get all flustered.

Moxie: You know that actor has played rapists and serial killers since “Family Ties” ended. I guess he got tired of being typecast.

Deena: Eww. Not Mr. Keaton!

Here’s the TV boyfriend breakdown – and some girlfriends, too. I mean, you gotta gossip about your TV boyfriends with a good TV girlfriend, right?

TV ShowDeena's PickMoxie's PickNotes
Welcome Back KotterHorshackHorshackDeena: Vinnie Barbarino is way too dumb for me.
M*A*S*HHawkeye; RadarHawkeye; Trapper
Deena: Radar was so cute with his teddy bear.
Moxie: Yeah, he was. I would have snuggled up with him. Radar AND the bear.
Love BoatJulieDoc; Captain StubingMoxie: Doc was a player but he could be nice. The Captain was hot for an old guy.
Deena: Ehh, I don't like any of them.
Moxie: You could switch teams. What about Julie the cruise director?
Deena: Yeah, she'd be cool.
Fantasy IslandpassMr. RoarkeDeena: NOT Tattoo.
Moxie: Yeah, he didn't do it for me. But Mr. Roarke was kinda hot for an old guy.
Laverne and ShirleyCarmine
carmine raguso meme
CarmineDeena: The other guys were just kinda creepy.
Moxie: Agreed.
The Facts of LifeJo; Tootie; NataliepassDeena: Jo was cool. I want to hang out with the girl who breaks the rules.
Moxie: What about Tootie? You roller skate and she does too.
Deena: Oh yeah. I like Natalie, too.
Diff'rent StrokesMr. DrummondArnoldMoxie: So would you pick Willis, Arnold, or do the sugar daddy thing and go with Mr. Drummond.
Deena: Mr. Drummond. He'd be a good sugar daddy.
Dukes of HazzardBoBo
bo duke meme
Deena: I watched that show a lot.
Moxie: I actually didn't watch that show, but I remember it. Did I tell you I met the actor who played Bo?
Deena: Really?
Moxie: Yeah, he is a super nice guy and he is FINE.
niles crane meme
FrasierDeena: Frasier was alway so uptight. At least Niles could cut loose some times.
Three's CompanyJackJackDeena: Jack was sensitive. I like that.
Bosom BuddiesBuffyBuffyDeena: I can't really remember the other guy.
Moxie: No one can.
The Odd CoupleFelixpassMoxie: I never really watched that show.

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