Haters, This is Not Your Home

Note: I am sharing this content across all my personal & professional accounts tonight and I have begun the process of removing content and/or blocking fans/followers.

Nearly 20 years ago, someone told me that people will only say or do certain things if they think they have a home with you, meaning they will make offensive comments or act inappropriately because they think you are okay with it.

That concept has been on my mind a lot for the last 9 months. I guess you could say it’s fully gestated and ready to be birthed, because I’m writing this today to post across my online platform and clarify what does and does not have a home with me.

You do not have a home with me if you cannot understand why all lives don’t matter until black, brown, indigenous, women’s, and LGBTQIA lives matter.

You do not have a home with me if you think believing in Jesus absolves you from aligning yourself with a political party that has been complicit in allowing one man to encourage and enable hate crimes and sedition.

You do not have a home with me if you refuse to comprehend why there is a call to defund the police by communities of marginalized people who have experienced racial profiling, harassment, and police brutality, all of which have been well documented.

You do not have a home with me if you think it’s funny to mock mental health issues, or if you think anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD or a host of other diagnoses are not real and can be overcome by willpower.

You do not have a home with me if you infantilize or mock people with disabilities, or don’t consider accessibility to be your concern.

You do not have a home with me if you say you “see both sides” and are unwilling to speak up when you bear witness to hateful, oppressive behavior.

You do not have a home with me if you are unwilling to carefully consider your thoughts, beliefs and actions towards people of a different race, gender identity, sexual preference, religion, ethnicity, or ability than your own AND determine whether those thoughts, beliefs and actions are in alignment with your highest, best self.

Who DOES have a home with me? People who are willing to be honest in their struggle to address their biases and prejudices. People who are willing to take a deep dive into their belief systems and say, “Hey, this belief is messed up, I need to replace it.” People who are willing to have conversations on hard topics and find resources that will help make them better allies.

If you saw yourself reflected in any of these statements, and you’re unwilling to work on these issues, then I expect you to show yourself out. If you think this content is up for debate, and decide you need to defend your behavior in the comments, or be hateful/oppressive, you will be blocked.

Paramahansa Yogananda & the Lake Shrine Gardens

Paramahansa Yogananda, Autobiography of a Yogi, Yogananda, Self-Realization Fellowship, yoga, spirituality, girl with moxie
My copy of Yogananda’s Autobiography of a Yogi, on top of a pink cotton scarf – both purchased at the Lake Shrine Gardens gift shop several years ago.

 

Today is the birthday of Paramahansa Yogananda, the man responsible for bringing yoga to the West over 100 years ago. I found out about him more than 15 years ago when I lived in Southern California – and the Lake Shrine Gardens, which became part of his Self-Realization Fellowship in 1950, quickly became my favorite place to visit for reflection, meditation, prayer and guidance. It’s said that Yogananda meditated and prayed all over the grounds during the process of its development into what we see today. I can tell you from personal experience that a feeling of tranquility comes over me as soon as I step into the garden, and the meditation sessions I’ve had while visiting have been life changing.

Lake Shrine Gardens, Lake Shrine, Self-Realization Fellowship, Yogananda, SRF, girl with moxie
The Lake Shrine Gardens, Pacific Palisades, CA
Lake Shrine Chapel, Lake Shrine Windmill Chapel, Lake Shrine Gardens, Lake Shrine, Self-Realization Fellowship, Yogananda, SRF, girl with moxie
Gateway at the Windmill Chapel, Lake Shrine Gardens
Lake Shrine Windmill Chapel, Lake Shrine Chapel, Lake Shrine Gardens, Lake Shrine, Self-Realization Fellowship, Yogananda, SRF, girl with moxie
The Windmill Chapel at the Lake Shrine Gardens

One of the last times I visited the Lake Shrine Gardens, I purchased a copy of Autobiography of a Yogi, the book Yogananda wrote about his life and which was originally published in 1946. When I read this book for the first time in the early 2000s, I had vivid dreams at night about meeting gurus and great philosophers. In its pages I found guidance that allowed me to reconcile my Christian upbringing with my newfound spiritual beliefs and studies. I’m currently on my third or fourth reading of the book – it’s a wonderful way for me to wind down before going to sleep, and with each reading I gain new insights.

white dove, dove, Lake Shrine Gardens, Lake Shrine, Self-Realization Fellowship, Yogananda, SRF, girl with moxie
This beautiful white dove came to greet me at one of my last visits to the Lake Shrine Gardens.

I don’t consider myself a devotee of Yogananda, but I am definitely a huge fan of his work. His words resonate with me and bring me peace and comfort when I read them. At the Lake Shrine Gardens, there is a small bas-relief near the entrance that says, “Many Paths, One Truth.” That one simple sentence has given me a foundation to show compassion to those who have different beliefs than I do. Because if they are choosing love – which is the truth that I try to live by – then we have something in common.

flower, pink flower, Lake Shrine Gardens, Lake Shrine, Self-Realization Fellowship, Yogananda, SRF, girl with moxie
Flower at the Lake Shrine Gardens

You can find out more about Yogananda and his life’s work here.

All photos in this post are from my personal collection.

Please request permission before sharing or reposting these images elsewhere.

Love Me, Love My Blog: On Blogging, Boundaries and Privacy

One of my initial concerns about blogging was how private I wanted to be. If this was a place for me to share experiences and explore ideas – many of which would be frowned upon by long-time friends and family members – did I want anyone and everyone to know what I was writing about? Or did I want to keep my identity a secret?

Initially I kept everything as quiet as possible. But I am notoriously bad at keeping secrets about myself. When it comes to my life, I am a believer in “don’t ask, don’t tell.” I believe we all want to feel known and understood, and if our online personas are the way we let people know who we are, then sharing that content might bring us that much closer to feeling known and understood – and, ultimately, loved.

http://www.girlwithmoxie.com/2004/06/cyber-snooping/

Reading through this post from 15 years ago, I struggle to remember which coworker this was, though I have a pretty good idea. She left a few months after I started and later helped me get an interview with her new employer, but I decided it wasn’t a good fit as the job was a lateral move in many ways.

I also realize I was making a lot out of nothing. She gave me the link to her blog and that constituted permission for me to read it. If I had told our mutual supervisor about her blog, though, that would have been a bad idea. (That supervisor was a hot mess, but I had yet to discover this fact.)

I still struggle to practice detached compassion, whether with colleagues, friends or family. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in other people’s problems, especially when your own problems feel insurmountable or trivial. Solving their issues – or helping them find solutions – is extremely validating.

Then there’s the matter of codependency. For years I saw that word as being exclusive to alcohol and drug addiction, but I finally came to accept that codependency is ubiquitous. It’s the subtext in so many songs and TV show plotlines. It sneaks into every relationship, whether with a romantic partner or a parent. In short: codependency is a bitch.

At the heart of all of this is boundaries: setting and maintaining those lines of involvement, whether physical, mental, spiritual or emotional. Knowing when to call someone on their behavior because they have breached a boundary line and dealing with the potential fallout. I still struggle with this, too. But like this blog, I am a work in progress.

It was 15 years ago today…

…that I began the Girl with Moxie blog. To paraphrase another song, I started at Blogspot, now I’m here (on self-hosted WordPress).

A lot has changed for me in 15 years, both personally and professionally. I started the blog out of boredom and restlessness at my office job. One day while surfing the interwebz, I found a wealth of bloggers who were writing about music, movies, TV, books, their lives, their jobs, their kids. I was introduced to music I had never heard of, found recipes and ideas that intrigued me, made new friends. I decided to dive in and write about whatever was on my mind.

I miss that simplicity. Because while I enjoy Instagram and Twitter is good for breaking news and a laugh, and Facebook does occasionally have its merits, there was something very gratifying about seeking out blogs to read and connecting with fellow bloggers on a much more low-tech scale. Long-form writing is still around, but it is often drowned out by all the video content.

Even though I don’t blog like I used to, I refuse to give up this site for many reasons, the main one being that it’s still an avenue for me to explore ideas and share my experiences without the editorial process of querying, rewriting, editing and handling rejection. I still get some traffic here (seeing the Google searches that bring people to the GWM blog is often amusing), a good friend hosts the site for free, and it’s an archive of my cyberpresence in a way that other resources aren’t.

Here’s the plan: I’ll share content from that first year and add some updates. I’ll try to carve out the time to craft new posts (it ain’t easy these days, for reasons I will get into later).

Let’s do this, kids.

Casting into the Waters: Symbolism, Spiritual Practice and Tashlich

Judaism has interested me for many years, probably due in large part to the fact that I was raised Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) and there’s a correlation between SDAs and Jews in how they observe the Sabbath (Friday sundown to Saturday sundown) and their dietary restrictions (SDAs encourage and promote vegetarianism, but those who do eat meat will typically shun pork and shellfish). When you grow up in a religious tradition that is a bit outside of the box, even among other evangelical Christian groups, it’s nice to feel understood in some small part by another religious group without having to go into long explanations. This is particularly handy when you talk to fellow Gen X’ers about why you are completely unfamiliar with Friday night TV shows and Saturday morning cartoons during the pre-VCR years.

The Chosen, Chaim Potok I also had an English teacher at my SDA high school who was part Jewish and he had us read The Chosen by Chaim Potok, explaining to us about Jewish traditions and holidays. Momcat and I ended up reading all of Potok’s novels and she, too, was very interested in Judaism. Pops had a colleague whose father had been a rabbi, so she would ask him a bunch of questions about what services were like, the reasons for certain traditions (she particularly liked the use of stones on graves as a remembrance).

I think it’s all these things combined that make me very aware when the Jewish high holidays start. Tonight marks the first night of Rosh Hashanah, the beginning of the Jewish new year. I spent this morning reading about Rosh Hashanah traditions: the blowing of the shofar, eating round challah with honey, eating apples with honey, eating part of a fish or ram’s head. Not sure I would be up for that last one, but I do like the symbolism behind it.

It’s the symbolism behind many Jewish traditions that I find the most fascinating. I don’t recall feeling like it was okay to use or wear symbols of my faith or spirituality while growing up SDA. There were baby dedications in church, and full immersion baptism once you’d studied with your pastor, but iconography and talismans weren’t used or encouraged. I don’t remember any other symbolic gestures or rituals, and in hindsight I think I needed those to help me connect to a higher power.

During this morning’s research on Rosh Hashanah, I learned about Tashlich. The basic premise, as I understand it, is to cast your sins into a body of water. After the Tashlich prayer is recited, you shake your clothes as if to shake off the sins.

Tashlich, Tashlich prayer, Rosh Hashanah
Tashlich prayers (Image courtesy Chabad.org)

But here’s what really spoke to me about this tradition (taken from Chabad.org):

The goal of Tashlich is to cast both our sins and the Heavenly prosecutor (a.k.a. the Satan) into the Heavenly sea. And when we shake our clothes after the Tashlich prayer, this is a tangible act to achieve the spiritual goal of shaking sins from our soul.

Needless to say, the physical motions near the water and fish of Tashlich are not what grant us atonement. But if we pay attention to the symbolism and apply the sincere desire to heal our relationship with G‑d as portrayed in the physical demonstrations of Tashlich, then it serves as a crucial part in the process of repenting and returning to G‑d in purity.

When I lived in Southern California, I often went to the beach to look out at the ocean and have a talk with the universe about what was bothering me. Seeing dark, deep water stretched out in front of me, with no land in sight, was symbolic to me of how vast the soul is, how there is so much going on beneath the surface that I cannot even begin to fathom, but that as I dive down into the depths of my being I can find those parts of myself that need healing, bring them to the surface, then release them back into the water. Going to the beach to process was a huge part of my spiritual growth.

What’s clear to me in this moment is that what I was doing was a form of Tashlich: casting my troubles into the deep sea, letting a higher power help me release them from my soul. I found the symbols I needed and in so doing, I found the spiritual connection and inner peace I craved. And now, every time I go to the ocean, whether the Atlantic or Pacific, I know I can find it again.

Sunset Beach, CA – my favorite place to chat with the universe. (Image courtesy californiasbestbeaches.com)

Shanah Tovah to my Jewish friends, followers and readers.

Moxie’s Resolutions for Everyone Else: The 2018 Edition

It just seems like yesterday that I was writing the 2017 resolutions for everyone else. Where does the time go? Let’s get right to it for 2018.

1. Use blind cc (bcc: field) on group emails (everyone).

I feel like I shouldn’t have to bring this up, considering it’s been over 40 years since email was invented and around 20 years since we all had Outlook inboxes at work. But I’m still seeing people send group emails with every last email address in the To: field, which means people in that original mailing can Reply All, thereby making life a living hell until someone has the cojones to say “perhaps you should take this conversation offline.” Not sure where to find the bcc: field in your email provider? Look it up!

2. Place UPCs on top of cat litter boxes for easier shopping (cat litter manufacturers).

3. Create short-term incentive program for residents & businesses to recycle (City of Baltimore).

You’d think for a city that is notorious for its trash and littering problems they would be all about recycling and pushing hard to encourage people to use its recycling program. But I see TONS of garbage on the streets that’s recyclable. My building doesn’t even have a recycle bin – I have to collect my own and take it over to the recycling center about once every 6 weeks. I’ve talked to my community liaison from the Dept of Public Works about the possibility of an incentive program to get people recycling more – perhaps a tax credit or rebate. Money is a powerful motivator for some folks and it may be they’d be more willing to recycle if they knew there would be a pay-off later.

4. Stop trolling for women on Instagram (men).

5. Stop posting/sharing content with high ick factor (social media users).

You’ve seen these kind of posts: someone has shared content from another source prefaced by “EWWW” or “NOPE” and the shared content features something extremely disgusting or nightmare-inducing. For the love of Steve, why are you sharing what grossed you out? Do you want everyone else to suffer? Keep your sadomasochism off Facebook.

6. Create mobile device free zones/events AND/OR mobile device-friendly zones/events (theatres, concert halls, other performance venues).

I’ve seen many stories about performers stopping a show because someone decided their need to take a photo of the show or film the entire thing on their iPhone 20 trumped everyone else’s enjoyment of the show or film. I’ve also been the person asking adults to turn off their phones during a movie. (Three freakin’ times during Wonder Woman! I’m still annoyed when I think about it.) Since we all seem to be struggling to define proper cell phone etiquette, how about these venues take it upon themselves to designate special performances where mobile devices are not allowed? Conversely, how about events where mobile device use is encouraged?

7. Stop saying “I don’t see color/race/gender/disability” (everyone).

I know that many folks say this as a way to express their alliance and acceptance of diversity, but it comes off as disingenuous. Why? Because it’s okay to see these things; it’s quite another to take what you see and turn it into a reason to treat someone differently, whether it’s better or worse than you would want to be treated.

8. Design small apartments/condos with bathroom access from hallway or common area, not bedroom (developers).

I’ve been looking at apartments lately (hoping to move this summer, though we’ll see if it actually happens) and it seems many one-bedroom, one-bathroom units, regardless of the age of the property, are designed so that you have to walk through the bedroom to reach the bathroom. If I was a complete recluse who never had people over, I wouldn’t mind this. But on those occasions when people are visiting I would prefer NOT to have them traipsing through my bedroom to get to the bathroom. Even a Jack-and-Jill style bathroom like the Brady kids had – THREE doors! – would be better.

jack-and-jill bathroom, jack and jill bathroom, brady bunch
Sure, that Jack-and-Jill bathroom was too small for 6 kids, and Mike Brady could have designed something better, but it made for good television.

9. Add routes from Baltimore and Washington DC to Ocean City, MD (MegaBus).

I’m surprised MegaBus hasn’t added this route already, as Ocean City is a huge destination for folks in the DC and Baltimore area in the summer months. I’d like it for those times I want to go see Deena but don’t want to deal with driving out there. Of course, it would likely turn into a party bus, but that can happen anywhere.

10. Include expiration dates on lotions containing essential oils (cottage-industry/small-batch natural beauty product manufacturers).

Post-Women’s March Thoughts

Women's march on washington

Yesterday I had the honor & privilege of participating in the Women’s March on Washington. It was an incredibly inspiring, uplifting and empowering experience. I got to march with an old friend from elementary school, her husband, and several other people. I talked to people from all over the USA, laughed at the clever, creative signs, got misty eyed at others.

One of the things I saw that really moved me might surprise some folks. Along the march route, we came across a group of counter protesters. They had a large cross that had Repent and Be Saved painted on it, as well as some other signs with a Christian focus. This group was in a protective circle made of march volunteers who held hands and Caution tape to encircle them. A police officer was with them as well. To me, this represented one of many things I was marching for: freedom of speech for all, not just the people I agree with.

A few thoughts went through my mind during the pre-march rally and the march itself:

  • How many march attendees voted in the 2016 presidential election, provided they were eligible to vote? I’d like to think all of them did, but it’s possible they abstained from voting because they didn’t like either option and didn’t feel passionate enough about independent candidates to vote for them.
  • I wasn’t a fan of the signs and chants that skewed more negative. Granted, many were very funny in their snark (the “we need a leader, not a creepy/freaky tweeter” chant was particularly amusing), but I’d rather focus on what can be done to support women, minorities, immigrants, refugees, Muslims, LGBTQ, and others who feel marginalized and disenfranchised than expend my energy throwing hate at Tr**p and his cabinet.
  • When a chant of “Black Lives Matter” started up around me, I overheard someone behind me say “well, all lives matter.” I am still a bit annoyed with myself that I didn’t turn around and tell that person (who I believe was a 20-something white girl) “not today and definitely not here.” I didn’t want to get into an argument on a day that for me was full of positivity, especially not with a stranger. But I sincerely hope she gets woke by her peers very, very soon.
  • I saw a sign that said “Hug a Journalist” and that made me very happy. I know many current and former journalists and you could say I’m one, too (though I tend to use the term “writer” to describe myself as I do so many different types of writing). A few times I yelled “God bless the journalists,” especially when I saw someone with a press pass. Someone in my group (I’d never met her before the march) said “except Fox News” and I bristled and said, “No, them too. They need the support, too.” We didn’t get into a discussion about it, but again, I believe in freedom of speech.

    hug a journalist, Women's March on Washington
    Seen at the Women’s March on Washington.

I’m hoping anyone and everyone who marched – and those who weren’t able to, for whatever reason – will channel the energy from the march into activism. This includes calling and writing their elected officials, donating time and/or money to humanitarian causes, even being kinder and more compassionate to all, which is as simple as holding open a door for someone or letting the person with only 2-3 items ahead of you in line at the store. The Indivisible Guide has some excellent tips on how to advocate for political change.

Most of all, this little girl is etched in my brain. She was probably 3 or 4 years old and she didn’t say a word as she stood holding her sign, letting people take pictures of her. May she grow up in a world where she knows her immeasurable worth and value, where she can protect and support those who live in fear of persecution, where she can love who she wants, call herself by any name she chooses, be treated the same as her male peers, and speak her truth without being shut down.

girls power, little girl with girls power sign, Women's March on Washington

 

Moxie’s Resolutions for Everyone Else: The 2017 Edition

What a crazy clusterf**k of a year it’s been. I’m ready for 2017, but there are a few things I’d like y’all to do better, okay? Hence my annual resolutions for everyone else. On with the show.

Stop using “Ch-Ch-Changes” as an editorial or article title (editors and journalists). If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen this popular David Bowie song used as a title for an op-ed, editor’s note or even an article, I would not need a day job. Now that Bowie is no longer with us, how about honoring his memory by NOT using this song as an article title anymore?

Participate in the 2018 California State Fair by having an exhibit in the exhibition hall (California counties). 

Create a buddy movie or sitcom starring Gwendoline Christie and Miranda Hart (British film/TV industry). If you’ve watched “Game of Thrones”, you’ve likely seen actress Gwendoline Christie as Brienne of Tarth, the tall, powerful female knight who has sworn to serve the House of Stark. She’s fabulous.

Gwendoline Christie as Brienne of Tarth on
Gwendoline Christie as Brienne of Tarth on “Game of Thrones.” Strong, powerful, flawed character and one of the reasons I keep watching.

 

Gwendoline Christie, actress, British actress, Brienne of Tarth, Game of Thrones
Gwendoline Christie all dolled up for awards show.

Just as fabulous is the statuesque actress and comedian Miranda Hart, who had her own sitcom on BBC and has been in several films, as well as on PBS’s series “Call the Midwife” as Chummy.

Miranda Hart, British actress, British comedian
Miranda Hart, British actress and comedian.

Why not put these two tall, lovely British ladies in a buddy movie or sitcom? Rumor is that “Miranda” is returning – how about a guest spot for Gwendoline, hmm, Miranda? Maybe Miranda dresses up as Brienne for a fancy dress party and ends up in some wacky situation where she is mistaken for Gwendoline?

Make US Postal Service-compliant stationery and cards (stationers and greeting card makers). 

Declare a moratorium on remakes of movies that are less than 50 years old (Hollywood). I feel like I’ve made this resolution before but once again in my life, I am freakin’ Cassandra yelling at the Trojans to not let that damn horse through the gates. Reading this round-up at Den of Geek got me extra annoyed. I get that there’s an assumption on the part of film producers and major studios that a remake has much better luck at doing well at the box office, but come up with some new material, okay? Or just make another sequel or prequel to an existing property, since you’re doing that already.

Accept that email is not a secure form of communication (federal government, Democratic National Committee, and, really, everyone). If we learned anything in 2016, it’s that email servers can be easily hacked. Honestly, I think there’s a lot of ignorance on the part of politicians and others about email security. Unless you work for the NSA, CIA or FBI, or you’re intentionally using email encryption software or services, assume that none of your emails are safe from prying eyes, and act accordingly.

Create/produce a TV drama about Baltimore that’s positive & uplifting (Josh Charles).

Kill Flash Player already (Adobe). I feel like this has been a resolution in years past and yet this stupid thing continues to exist and slow down everything on my computer. Please, for the love of Steve, just kill Flash already.

Get a smartphone already (Pops). He’s had an iPad for a few years now, and the iPhone is not that much different, yet Pops refuses to get a smartphone. He says “my phone is smart enough to work,” and I appreciate that, but the moments when you are dealing with crappy traffic because your Garmin doesn’t tell you about road closures are moments you can avoid with a smartphone that’s equipped with Google Maps and Waze.

Restore Jerry’s Subs & Pizza to its former glory (DC, MD and VA sub-loving citizens).

What are YOUR resolutions for everyone else?

Faces of Depression, Day 31 – Final Thoughts

What a month it’s been. When I started this online chronicle of my depression, my goal was to show people that depression can sometimes look very different than the sad-sack-on-the-couch-eating-junk-food stereotype. Sometimes depression wears heavy makeup and does its hair. Other times it puts on a little lip gloss and calls it a day.

I didn’t realize just how closely connected my anxiety is to my depression. As a result this ended up being a chronicle of both anxiety and depression. For me, my anxiety builds up, then leads to depression because I am so anxious I don’t want to deal with anything, which makes me depressed. It is a vicious, horrible cycle that can be challenging to break.

I used a very arbitrary system to rank my depressive feelings, and if I were to do this online chronicle again, I would work out a different scaling system that looks at anxiety as well.

On this final day of the month, I am doing okay – some anxiety over money, per the usual, but in a relatively good mood. I voted early, thanks to the DMV getting my new license to me so promptly, and I’m glad to have that done. Now to spend a relaxing night with the cats, watching Hulu or Netflix.

Thanks to all who commented, here or on social media, and shared their support and encouragement.

Final selfie for the month. Today was a 7 out of 10.
Final selfie for the month. Today was a 7 out of 10.

Faces of Depression, Day 30

A decent day with some irritability over trivial matters. Finished a sewing project I’d been putting off for a couple months, which was a good feeling. That said, there are some errors in the finished product that annoy me, but I’m not sure that I can fix them without getting more annoyed. One of those matters that need to be slept on in order to make a decision.

I also felt overexposed to political news today and that definitely lended to my irritability. I was at Pops’ for a couple hours this evening and he kept putting on news stations which are 24-7 presidential election nonsense. I’m oversaturated at this point and it’s stressing me out. Fortunately he changed the channel to Gran Torino, the movie featuring a grumpy Clint Eastwood dealing with his irritability and racism. It comes full circle.

I have a touch of the Sunday night blues but a glass of Zin is quickly mellowing me out. Today was a 8 out of 10, with a couple 7 moments.

Tired and slightly grumpy, but in a relatively good mood. Today was a 8 out of 10.
Tired and slightly grumpy, but in a relatively good mood. Today was a 8 out of 10.