Weird Things Seen on the Street, #47

It’s been a long time since I last posted a weird thing seen on the street. That doesn’t mean, of course, that I haven’t seen weird things. As we all know there are plenty of weird things to see on the street, whether you’re in the city or the ‘burbs, and over the last 6 months I’ve captured a few of said weird things on camera. I’ve finally gotten around to uploading the photos to my computer and resizing them for WordPress (which doesn’t like images larger than 2 MB, pffft), so be prepared for some posts over the next few weeks.

This photo was taken in downtown Sacramento back in the spring. As always, I assume there is a story here, and I’m guessing the cake wasn’t good enough to whip out a pocket fork and continue eating once it hit the ground.

cake, chocolate cake, half eaten cake on street, weird things on street, weird things on sidewalk, Girl with Moxie, Girl with Moxie blog

If this photo doesn’t give you an earworm of “MacArthur Park,” then we can’t be friends anymore.

 

Seen something weird on the street lately?

Send me your photo, along with where you saw the weirdness, and I’ll post it here!

girl with moxie, The Girl with Moxie blog, humor blog, email address for girl with moxie

On Running, Self-Esteem, and Validation

After that last post I got some feedback from a few people that was a little defensive. Even though I never said I hated runners, or that I thought they were stupid, my highly satirical post was interpreted as an attack. My original plan was to blow it off.

But then I read this op-ed at the Wall Street Journal. And this response to the WSJ piece at Runner’s World. And I thought about the conversation I had with T-Wizzle about my original post:

Me: I was writing satire à la Andy Rooney, but apparently it was lost on a few people. And I thought my joke about carbo loading was funny.

T-Wizzle: What was the joke?

Me: It was that carbo loading doesn’t have to do with a clown named Carbo offering gun safety tips while speaking only in gerunds.

T-Wizzle: That IS funny.

Me: I knew you’d like that one.

T-Wizzle: The problem is no one ever wants to feel bad. If you’re not validating what they’re doing, then they feel bad and get defensive. It’s called self-esteem because it comes from YOU, not anyone else.

I thought she had a good point. Now, if you’re a runner, or you are intimately involved with a runner, I want you to read this next part very carefully.

I don’t hate runners. Not at all. I understand that training for marathons and other races is intense. It’s a big world out there, though, and there is so much happening, and I know all you runners are so much greater than the sum of your pedometers. If you feel the need to broadcast your training regimen because it helps you stay motivated and feel accountable, that is absolutely your prerogative. But I’ll be honest: I care about you as YOU. Not as runner you, or philanthropist you, or computer geek you. All the parts of you are not as important to me as the complete package.

In the last few months I’ve noticed the lengths I will go to for validation. I want people to praise me ad nauseam. I want accolades and acclaim for my writing. But that doesn’t happen. There is no algorithm or SEO keywords that guarantees I’ll be validated 100% of the time for 100% of my work & activities. That’s where the self- part of self-esteem kicks in. I’m the only one who can validate me 100% of the time. This has been a very difficult lesson to learn.

I’m still going to make jokes about anything & everything. Not everyone will think they are funny. I’m still going to write, because it’s part of my identity. Not everyone is going to like my articles, stories, poems, blog posts. But as long as I am okay with me, as long as I’m loving who I am regardless of what I’m joking about or writing, it doesn’t really matter who is a Moxie fan or who isn’t.

So keep on doing what you’re doing, whether you’re running, walking, writing, reading, eating chips, or watching TV. I’ll go do my thing. And when we meet, whether it’s virtually or in the real world, let’s just enjoy each other’s company, validation not required.

Greetings of the Day to You My Friend!

Greetings from the United States!

If you’ve been watching CNN, this letter is probably not a big surprise. But I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners.

I am Ms. Moxie, a blogger with a questionable reputation here in Los Angeles, California. On September 29, 2008, our stock market dropped 778 points – a record low for the greatest country, the United States. Simultaneously at the same time our esteemed congressman vetoed a bailout of $700 billion dollars.

You and your highly suspect colleagues have written to me on various occasions saying that there are unclaimed funds from a Mr. Mohammad Al Nasser, or a Ms. Nahibibi, or some other random person no one has ever heard of but they have all been super mega rich and have died without a will or any beneficiaries. Based on my calculations, the sum total of all these estates is more than US$159,700,000.00.  According to you, these monies “have been floating and placed under dormant/unserviceable account by [my] bank management.” You have also stated that “if [you] do not move this money out of the country immediately, by end of the year the government will definitely confiscate the money.”

Today, my special friend, is your lucky day, because we here in America, land of the free and home of the empty bank account, could seriously use the cash. We’ll set up the paperwork and there is practically no risk involved. Just like you’ve been telling me for several months, any transactions will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law.

Thanking you in advance and May God bless you. Please, treat with utmost confidentiality. I’ll have the Treasury Department send you copies of all our outstanding invoices so you can see just how financially screwed we are.

Regards,

Ms. Moxie

Letter of Recommendation

This fall my buddy T-Wizzle has been teaching several classes at a community college and learning just how annoying college students can be. Last week she asked me to write a letter of recommendation for her. Even though she’s already got the job – and doing very well at it, I might add – I guess the college administration needs to have a letter on file.

She’s been my friend for 6 years now, so I’ve learned quite a bit from her. Most of what I’ve learned, however, isn’t necessarily something that a college HR department wants to hear. I decided to write a letter that truly capture the essence of T-Wizzle and post it here – with her permission, of course.

To Whom It May Concern:

Ms. T Wizzle has been my friend, drinking buddy, and occasional nemesis for several years. During the time we have known each other, I have learned many invaluable things from Ms. Wizzle, including but not limited to:

How to eat chicken wings like a black person. This is an art form that is not taught to many white people. I consider myself among an elite group because T took the time to show me how to pull apart the bones in order to gnaw off the most meat.
How to truly appreciate happy hour. T is extremely fond of Seagrams 7 and while I do not share her affection for this liquor, I have learned from her that cocktail hour is not something to be trifled with, much less ignored.
How to get a man to buy me dinner that doesn’t come in a paper bag. Before meeting T-Wizzle I had a hard time getting dates with men of means. Under her tutelage I learned to insist that my dates buy me dinner at places that do not have plastic trays or a drive-through window.
How to stop dressing like a tree sloth. T’s derogatory comments about Liz Claiborne, Sag Harbor, and other quasi-designer labels found in middle-class department stores have proven to be quite effective in getting me to stop dressing like an old fat white woman with no fashion sense and like a thirtysomething fat white woman with a modicum of fashion sense.

In addition to teaching me these lessons, T-Wizzle has also acted as my pimp, promoter, psychic, and pain in my ass. She is very skilled at harassing someone until they do what she wants, using tactics that include subtle manipulation and Jedi mind tricks.

For all of these reasons, including some very bizarre sexual practices that I hesitate to describe here, I highly recommend T-Wizzle as an instructor for your school.

Sincerely,

Moxie

Mercury Retrograde in Cancer (June 2007)

Better late than never…here is the Mercury retrograde update for the current cycle.

Mercury went retrograde at 12 degrees Cancer on June 15, 2007, and will go direct at 2 degrees Cancer on July 9, 2007.
A brief recap on what Mercury retrograde means:  Mercury (a.k.a. Hermes) was the messenger of the gods in Greek & Roman mythology. He had a wicked sense of humor and loved to play tricks. In astrology, the planet Mercury rules all forms of communication. This includes e-mail, faxes, Internet, cell phones, text messages, and snail mail. Transportation, short trips, and cars are also ruled by Mercury. Other random things ruled by Mercury: bees and beekeepers; bad breath; coupons; eyesight; idiots and imbeciles; needles; licorice; schools; sewing; the color violet; Wednesday.Retrograde means that a planet appears to be moving backwards through the signs of the zodiac. When Mercury is retrograde, communication can get all screwed up. Your Internet access might crap out suddenly. Phone calls get disconnected or don’t go through at all. Travel can be screwy as well: traffic might be much worse on the freeway, flights are delayed or cancelled, and you might have car problems. Attempting to execute any sort of plan during this time might be more difficult than usual.
While this can be annoying, Mercury retrograde is also a great “do-over” period. For about 4 weeks, all sorts of things can happen. Old classmates e-mail you out of the blue (this actually happened to me last week – a guy from my high school sent me a message about our upcoming reunion). A former lover calls you to chat. And unresolved issues finally get closure. Because of this, many astrologers recommend using this period as a time to review, reflect, revise, and re-do, rather than starting new projects.

Crazy things tend to happen during Mercury retrograde because to Mercury, it’s funny. He has a pretty twisted sense of humor. And while I appreciate weirdness in people, planets, and androgynous mythological characters, I also like my e-mails and text messages to go through. I have learned, though, that if I laugh with Mercury, and not at him, things have a way of flowing more smoothly.

Cancer is the sign that rules motherhood, the home, patriotism, and sentimentality. It also rules women, water, food, and the stomach. In July 2006, Mercury was retrograde in Cancer; what I wrote then still applies now:

Cancer is the sign that rules emotion, home, and family – its main focus is on nurturing. Cancer is represented by the crab. The crab’s claws serve a dual purpose: nurturing, in that the crab uses its claws to grab food; or hurtful, in that the crab uses the claws to protect itself from predators. During Mercury retrograde in Cancer, it’s a time to review our emotional process. Are we pulling people and ideas close to us in order to nurture them, as well as ourselves? Or are we snapping our emotional claws in an attempt to defend ourselves? Mercury in Cancer says, “Hey, look at what you’re feeling and be with it. Don’t make yourself wrong, but don’t make others wrong, either. You just feel what you feel. But if you want to feel better, see what thoughts, concepts, and beliefs are underneath all those emotions.”

To put it simply, be good to yourself over the next 2 weeks. Don’t make any rash decisions based on how you’re feeling right now, because come July 10, you might feel completely different. Take time to relax, and if you need someone to bitch to about Mercury’s bullshit, give me a shout at girlwithmoxie at gmail.com.