Tag Archives: romantic

Getting in the Comfort Zone

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Note: I am cleaning up files on my laptop and found something I’d written for the blog back in December of 2008. As far as I can tell, I never posted it on the blog, and it still holds a lot of truth for me, so here you go. – Moxie

Tonight I had a conversation with a friend of mine about relationships. A mutual friend had broken up with someone because he’d gotten too serious too fast. “This is what happens when someone who’s never been in a long-term relationship gets involved with someone who has been in one,” my friend said. “The long-term person just wants to get back into that comfort zone.”

It really made me think about my own relationships and what I’d been doing, and maybe why nothing has really worked out since the end of my marriage. I had a great friendship with Mr. X and that’s the main thing I miss in not having a long term relationship: the close friendship portion. The part where you can just look at each other and know what the other person is thinking. The part where you have private jokes. Even the part where you know exactly what buttons to push so that the other person’s head explodes. I miss the good and the not-so-good parts of being friends with the one you love.

With Joe*, I was so quick to get back into that relationship groove that I completely lost sight of the fact that it takes time to build up the friendship element. You can’t forego that time period and expect the relationship to be something long lasting. I must have known, though, that deep down there wasn’t enough there for us to really be friends. We were way too different on way too many levels.

But sometimes I think it can go too far in the other direction, too. There are some friendships that are so strong that you start thinking, Hmm, maybe we should be dating. The romantic portion kicks in and while it’s nice and easy because you know the person so well, it’s also – how do I put this – dull. So then what do you do? Do you give up the romantic/sexual element, knowing full well it may sacrifice the friendship? Or do you continue with it, thinking it will eventually work out? I’ve been in that situation a few times and it never seems to work the way I want it to, or the way I think it should.

This all leads me to believe there’s a happy medium, a place where you have a good friendship yet you know when to detach. I’m good friends with one couple who seems to do this so easily, and yet I have a feeling they have struggled to get to this place with each other. Their comfort zone is palpable to all of us that know them and it gives me hope that I can create that, somehow, someday, with someone who’s really ready to get in the zone with me.

*The man I was with in 2007. The relationship ended horribly.

Top 10 Romantic Scenes for Valentine’s Day 2009

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Back in 2007 I did a Valentine’s Day post on my top 10 romantic movies, focusing on specific scenes. For 2009 I’m doing a second list for two reasons: one, because I’m trying to be better about posting stuff to my blog, and two, because the more I watch movies the more I see scenes that fit the category of “most romantic.” So, without further ado, here are my top choices, in order of romanticism (well, according to my standards, anyway). Sit back, enjoy the show, and share your favorite romantic scenes in the comments.

10. Sleepless in Seattle
My vote for most romantic line from this sappy movie is when Jonah, the little boy who wants his dad Sam (Tom Hanks) to meet Annie (Meg Ryan) on Valentine’s Day in New York, gets in the cab and tells the driver to take him to the Empire State Building. “You gonna spit off the top?” he asks. Jonah’s reply: “No, I’m going to meet my new mother.” Talk about precocious.

9. Four Weddings and a Funeral
This movie is one I will watch over and over again if it’s on cable. The most romantic scene to me is when Matthew (John Hannah) recites the W.H. Auden poem, “Funeral Blues,” at Gareth’s (Simon Callow) funeral. It’s in that moment the audience realizes the nature of their relationship and how much Matthew will miss his friend and lover. I cry through this scene every time.

8. That Thing You Do!
I am a sucker for movies about music and this flick is another one of those movies where I stop what I’m doing and watch it, should it happen to be on cable. Moxie’s pick for most romantic scene: Guy (Tom Everett Scott) asks Faye (Liv Tyler) when was the last time she was properly kissed. She tells him it was junior high. He nods, looks at Faye, then kisses her passionately.

7. Serendipity
I don’t really consider myself a hopeless romantic, but I do love a good romantic comedy and Serendipity is high on my list of favorite rom-coms. Most romantic scene for me? When Jonathan (John Cusack) unwraps the groom’s gift from his fiancee (Bridget Moynahan) and sees that it’s a copy of Love in the Time of Cholera – the same title that Sara (Kate Beckinsale), his erstwhile soulmate, bought and wrote her name and number on the title page before selling it to a used book dealer. Hesitating for a second, Jonathan opens the cover and we briefly see Sara’s name and number written inside before he shuts it. In that instant, you know he’s going to look for her. Sigh.

6. The Namesake
This movie features Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar fame in a more dramatic role – and he does a fabulous job as Gogol, a young Indian man struggling to find his cultural identity. Most romantic scene: When Ashima (Tabu) tries on the shoes of her suitor Ashoke (Irrfan Khan). She decides to marry him and they end up emigrating to America, where they have a son, Gogol.

5. The Sound of Music
This movie is just an all-around sap fest and another classic I’ll watch again and again. While pretty much any movie scene involving a gazebo and moonlight is bound to be a favorite, my preference is for the scene where Maria (Julie Andrews) and Captain von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) are in the gazebo during the dance, finally confessing their love for each other. I especially love the song Maria sings here: “Somewhere in my youth or childhood/I must have done something good.”

4. Michael
A lovely inspired tale about an angel and three people whose lives are changed for the better, Michael’s stand-out scene, romantically speaking, is when Michael (John Travolta) tells Dorothy (Andie MacDowell) “sing” and she gets up at the pie restaurant/diner and sings her song about her three husbands. It’s at this point that cynical reporter Frank (William Hurt) visibly softens and it’s quite obvious he’s smitten with Dorothy.

3. Enchanted
So many sweet moments in this movie, it’s hard to pick one that stands out as the most romantic. But I’d go with the scene at Robert’s (Patrick Dempsey) law office, where Giselle (Amy Adams) discovers what divorce is and she has a meltdown. It’s a great reminder that the end of a marriage, no matter what the circumstances may be, is still a very sad thing.

2. The Notebook
It’s hard for me to even think about this movie without crying. The best scene, by far, is when Allie (Gena Rowlands) realizes that Duke (James Garner) is telling her the story about how they fell in love. That moment of recognition on her face and his response is so warm, so loving, you can’t help but choke up a little.

1. Moonstruck
The following clip shows Johnny (Nicholas Cage) and Loretta (Cher) arguing about their relationship. This is my all-time favorite romantic scene because it speaks the truth about love: it’s not always pretty, with hearts and flowers and bon-bons.

Isn’t It Romantical: Moxie’s Top 10 V.D. Movie Picks

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Let me preface this list by saying that I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day, which is why I refer to it as V.D. It is similar to a social disease in that the feeling of “Oh crap, I gotta get something for my girlfriend/wife,” reaches pandemic proportions in the days before February 14. No one should ever feel pressured to be romantic or sentimental, if only because the gifts and platitudes born of guilt are never that satisfying to give, nor to receive. Love is a perennial verb, not a one-day-a-year emotion.

That being said, at this time of year I can’t help but think of some of my favorite romantic scenes from movies. Happy V.D., lovers.

10. Moulin Rouge – I don’t need to talk about how I obsessed over this movie for a very long time. What I do need to talk about is the scene near the end, where Satine (Nicole Kidman) starts singing the song “Come What May” as Christian (Ewan MacGregor) is walking away from the stage. Written as a way for the secret lovers to communicate with each other, the song and Satine’s pleading delivery stops Christian in his tracks and he rushes back to the stage, singing the entire time. A hot man singing to you? Lord have mercy.

9. 10 Things I Hate About You – We already know how I feel about a good-looking man that can sing, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that my favorite scene in this movie is when Patrick (Heath Ledger) gets on the PA system and sings “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” to Kat (Julia Stiles). It gets even better once the school marching band kicks in after the first verse. It totally won her over and it did for me, too.

8. Bridget Jones’ Diary – It’s the final scene where Darcy (Colin Firth) leaves Bridget’s (Renee Zellweger) apartment that gets me. Why? Because he’s gone to buy her a new diary. I love office supplies, so any scene that involves a man buying paper goods for his beloved is bound to make me weep with joy.

7. Say Anything – Yes, the scene where Lloyd (John Cusack) holds up the boom box playing their song “In Your Eyes” is very romantical. But I always remember the scene where his best girl buddy Corey (Lili Taylor) tells him, “The world is full of guys. Be a man.” Telling someone you care about to step up to the plate is a very loving thing to do.

6. The Wedding Singer – Again, my favorite scene involves a man singing. This is the one where Robbie (Adam Sandler) is singing “Grow Old with You” to Julia (Drew Barrymore) on the plane, with the help of Billy Idol and a couple flight attendants. Sing to me about your feelings for me and I’ll even forgive you for having bad 80′s hair.

5. Notting Hill – The scene where Anna (Julia Roberts) admits the depth of her feelings to William (Hugh Grant) is very real to me. Saying to someone, “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her,” as she did, takes a lot of courage.

4. Monsoon Wedding – While the main story is about the arranged marriage, it’s the love story between the hired help, P.K. Dubey (Vijay Raaz) and Alice (Tilotama Shome), that is the most compelling and beautiful. My favorite scene is Dubey going to see Alice after he is embarrassed by his colleagues in front of her. He goes to her door, lingers a moment, then walks away. She comes outside and finds him kneeling on the grass with candles lit behind him and holding a heart made of marigolds, a traditional Indian wedding decoration. Makes me cry every time.

3. The Full Monty – Great film that shows that even men struggle with self-acceptance and body image issues. My favorite romantic scene is when Dave (Mark Addy) , the token fat guy, tells his wife Jean (Lesley Sharp) that he’s been working on a striptease routine with his mates. “Who would want to see someone like me strip?” he says, his voice full of pain. “Me, Dave,” she says. “I would.” That’s love, man.

2. When Harry Met Sally – Another all-time Moxie favorite. The most romantic is the scene where Harry (Billy Crystal) tracks down Sally (Meg Ryan) at a New Year’s Eve party and tells her he loves her: “I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

1. Like Water for Chocolate – This is, by far, my all-time favorite romantic film. (I love the book, too.) As such, I can’t pick one scene. The heroine, Tita (Lumi Cavazos), can barely contain her love for Pedro (Marco Leonardi), but because he’s been forced to marry her older sister, she can only show her feelings through her cooking. Seeing the effects of her culinary masterpieces on her family and friends is humorous and fascinating. And the chemistry between Tita and Pedro is so intense, the screen just sizzles. Read the book, watch the movie, then go eat something fantastic with someone you love.