Moxie’s Birthday, or How to Party Like You’re Six Years Old

I celebrated a birthday this weekend. It wasn’t a milestone birthday, so I didn’t plan any big celebrations – instead, I stayed home and continued to focus on getting better after a nasty bout of the flu, which I like to think of as the zombie virus from Hades.

I made the comment to a friend that after picking up cough syrup at the pharmacy I felt as if I were six years old, and it got me thinking: what would a six year old do on her birthday? Here’s what I came up with:

How to Party Like You’re Six Years Old

Starring Moxie, Ippie and Rooney

party, birthday, cat ears, leopard print cat ears

Every good party must include some sort of hat. I put on my cat ears.

birthday, party, cat ears, leopard print cat ears

They fit perfectly. Now it’s time to party.

Pick up the cat to show off to your friends how much she loves you.

cat, Ippie, birthday, party

My kitty cat Ippie is so pretty and soft!

When she meows in irritation from how you’re holding her and squirms out of your arms, act like you totally meant to put her down anyway, because you have to go take your cough medicine now.

icky medicine

I don’t want to take my medicine right now.

Because you’re grown, you can put your cough medicine in a shot glass. But because you are grown, you also know that the medicine delivery method will not make the medicine taste any better.

It smells funny. I don't want to take it.

It smells funny. I don’t want to take it.

cough medicine, medicine, taste

That medicine was gross. I want to scrape it off my tongue.

Because you are grown, you can have a chaser after your medicine.

cough medicine, medicine, root beer, taste

I’m gonna drink some root beer to get the taste of icky medicine out of my mouth.

root beer, birthday, party

Mmmm, root beer makes everything better.

Show off the birthday card you got in the mail from your grandma. She sent you a letter, too, but you’ll read that later.

birthday, party, birthday card, grandma

I got a card and a bookmark from my grandma!

Now it’s time to have one, JUST ONE, of your birthday cupcakes. Because you are grown, you picked them out and purchased them yourself at the neighborhood gluten-free bakery. You’re not supposed to eat gluten anymore because it makes your stomach hurt, but sometimes you still do it when no one’s watching.

birthday, party, cupcakes, gluten free cupcakes

I have TWO cupcakes! One is blueberry vanilla and the other is chocolate.

blueberry, vanilla, cupcake, gluten free, birthday, party

I am going to eat my blueberry vanilla cupcake first.

blueberry, vanilla, cupcake, gluten free

It’s really good! I like it!

blueberry, vanilla, cupcake, gluten free

I ate the blueberries on top of the frosting. They were good.

Now it’s time for some party activities. You break out the coloring book and crayons because coloring is fun and you’re really good at it.

crayon, coloring, coloring book, birthday, party

I need the right color crayon for Cinderella’s hair. I think goldenrod would work.

coloring, crayons, coloring book, concentrating

Sometimes when I’m concentrating real hard I stick out my tongue. It helps a lot when I’m trying to stay inside the lines.

Rooney, cat, coloring, crayons, coloring book

Rooney kitty jumped up where I was coloring and made me mess up!

crying, Rooney, cat, coloring, crayons, coloring book

I didn’t want to mess up my picture! I was coloring it for YOU!

pouting, pout, birthday, party

I’m going to pout now.

When you really were six, Jennifer McCloskey would steal the gold and silver crayons because she said they were real and you and her little brother & sister weren’t worthy of using them. She left you with copper, and even though you were only six years old, you still knew copper wasn’t worth crap. Because you are grown now, you use the gold and silver crayons WHENEVER YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE.

gold crayon, silver crayon, crayons, coloring

I have the gold and silver crayons, Jennifer. So nyah nyah nyah.

Ippie, cat, crayons, coloring, coloring book

Now Ippie wants to mess with my crayons.

Ippie, cat, crayons, coloring, coloring book

No Ippie! Bad kitty! Leave my crayons alone!

You get a surprise phone call from your best friend Deena who couldn’t make it to your party. Because she is grown, she is in Atlantic City with her boyfriend.

birthday, best friend, party

My best friend called me to say happy birthday!

My best friend tells the funniest stories. She got sick on grape soda! And then she ate Chinese food! She is funny!

My best friend tells the funniest stories. She got sick on grape soda! And then she ate Chinese food! She is funny!

coloring, coloring book, crayons

I finished my coloring! Do you like it?

Now it’s time for some dancing.

The party is almost over, so it’s time to sing “Happy Birthday” and have another cupcake.

birthday, party, chocolate cupcake, gluten free

It’s time to sing happy birthday!

birthday, party, candle, wish

Make a wish! But don’t tell anybody or it won’t come true!

birthday, wish, candle, party

I blew out the candle all by myself!

birthday, party, chocolate cupcake, gluten free

I’m gonna eat the frosting first because it’s my birthday.

birthday, party, chocolate cupcake, gluten free

The frosting is good. Now I’m gonna eat the cake part.

cupcake, chocolate, gluten free

It’s a really good cupcake!

chocolate, frosting, cupcake, gluten-free

I have chocolate frosting on my finger! Hee hee!

birthday, party

Thanks for coming to my birthday party! I hope you’ll come next year too!

Felines for Hire, Inquire Within

I just read this AP article that says Americans spent over $53 billion on their pets last year. That’s a lot of Alpo and Meow Mix. What’s stunning is that this amount isn’t radically higher than what Americans spent in 2011 for their furry companions.

That’s up 5 percent from 2011, when spending first broke the $50 billion barrier, says the American Pet Products Association, a trade group based in Greenwich, Conn. And APPA President and CEO Bob Vetere predicts another 4 percent gain this year.

At about $34.3 billion, food and vet care represented about two-thirds of total spending, with money spent on supplies and over-the-counter medications rising by more than 7 percent.

Since I use to track my spending, I decided to see how much I contributed to that $53 billion.

Less than 20% of my total pet spending in 2012 was on vet bills. The rest was food and cat litter.
Sounds like two cats I know need to find gainful employment.

Enjoy yourselves now, but tomorrow, you’re gonna be getting jobs.

The New Kid in Town

Today was a busy day. Well, the last half of it was, anyway. That’s all because there’s a new kid in town.

cat, orange and white cat, kitten

The Kitten Formerly Known as Jackson, or TKFKAJ for short.

Since Mossimo the Pimptastic Cat died last August, it’s been tough on Ippie the Tech Wizard Kitten. She was used to having Moss to groom and tackle and play with occasionally. I kept promising her a buddy, but as I’ve been stretched thin financially for several months I couldn’t afford to adopt.

Then yesterday I got a nice juicy check for writing a bunch of items in a local magazine. The check was more than I’d originally calculated (math is not my strong suit), so there was much rejoicing throughout the land. I finally had enough money to get Ippie a playmate.

I had been surfing the SPCA’s website for a few weeks, seeing if there were any young orange and white male cats up for adoption. For some reason I’d been fixated on that color scheme for several months. So when I saw this little guy, I knew he was it. And when I drove to the SPCA today in the rain, I had this feeling I would always remember how it had been a rainy November afternoon when he came into our lives.

While the name given to him by the SPCA staff was Jackson, I’m thinking Rooney is much more fitting. For me, I’ll always associate that name with a legendary writer and newsman who once said, “Writers don’t retire, and I’ll always be a writer.” And since Ippie was named for a piece of technology that changed my life, it strikes me as fitting to name this little guy after someone who made a living doing the one thing I most love to do.

So welcome, Rooney. We think you’re gonna like it here.