Tag Archives: Technology

My Own World Series

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Being a baseball fan, and having recently adopted the San Francisco Giants as my new team (from the National League, that is; I’ll always be a Baltimore Orioles fan), I watched the last two games of the 2010 World Series and had a blast rooting for the Giants. Nothing like seeing a team who wasn’t on anyone’s radar as even making it to the Series actually win.

As for me, I’ve got my own World Series going on…with technology. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know all about my mutant ways and how electronics will crap out on me or give me fits, especially when I am angry or really stressed out. (Type “mutant” in the search tool and see what pops up. Or call T-Wizzle. She’ll fill you in.) The last scorecard I could find was from 2007, and while much has happened since then, with computers and monitors and phones, I’ll pick up the score from here.

Last we heard the score was Technology 3, Moxie 2. The last three hours have been particularly rough:

my desktop PC keeps crashing. It’s going along fine, I’m happily watching “Modern Family” and then BLAM! The computer shuts down. After doing a little research I think it’s freaking out over all the USB devices plugged into it, so I’ll try unplugging and re-plugging everything in, see what happens.

My food steamer appears to have died. I like to use the steamer for rice, since it’s one less pot on the stove. Tonight I decided to have chickpea curry with jasmine rice for dinner. I plugged in the steamer, filled the rice bowl and the water reservoir according to the instructions, set the timer, and went about making the curry. When the time was up, the rice was still sitting in about 1/4 inch of water and the water level in the reservoir hadn’t gone down at all. I noticed the light to indicate the steamer is working didn’t come on, either. I ended up putting the rice in a pot and cooking it for 10 minutes on the stove – turned out fine but I am sad about the death of what has been a fabulous food steamer. I’ve cooked chicken pieces, shrimp, potatoes and vegetables using the steamer, and it’s been so awesome for rice. Guess it’s time to buy a new one.

These two incidents bring the score to Technology 5, Moxie 2. Might be time to put in a pinch hitter.

Reason #223 Why I Love My iPhone

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I am writing this post from my iPhone, using the WordPress application. Oh man, this is hot…I can review and approve comments, write posts, add images. I love it when technology works and looks so damn beautiful.

And it will let me go back and edit posts too. Sadly I am having a hard time publishing photos. Hmm.

Time to Celebrate!

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Great news, kids! I got the dream job! I’m going to be working as an account executive for a PR firm. This is something I’ve wanted to do for years and now it’s finally happening. And the cool part is that the firm specializes in technology, so I’ll get paid to stay up on the cool toys, websites, and blogs. I must focus to keep…my superpowers…under…control…

On another happy note, T-Wizzle’s job offer came through as well. She’s moving from adjunct teaching to a full-time professorship in marketing at a community college. It still amuses me to think of her as a professor, because she has way too much fashion sense and pop culture savvy to fit the stereotype. She’s goddamn genius level when it comes to marketing and I owe a lot of my knowledge about branding, marketing, and PR to her. I only wish she lived closer so we could celebrate our new jobs together.

Thanks, everyone, for all your positive comments and support over the last couple of months. You have helped lift me up when I really needed it. I’m putting good vibes out there for all of you as well.

Now go forth and party!

(I would have posted “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang, but YouTube and Universal Music Group won’t let me. Oh well, this is another feel-good song.)

The Middle Name Meme

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I got up this morning to discover I’ve been tagged by the infamous Beth at Cup of Coffey to participate in a meme. What makes this one a little challenging is that the meme requires me to use a middle name, and not only do I not have a middle name anymore in the real world, I also want to keep my name, as well as the names of my loved ones, anonymous (or at least the semblance thereof). That being said, I do want to participate, so I figure there are a few ways I could go about doing this:

  1. Use the maiden name of a woman in my family tree.
  2. Use “With”, since that’s my middle name on this blog.
  3. Use the middle name I was given at birth.

I think I’ll go with #1, since #3 is too short to offer any sort of interesting response (my former middle name was Rae), and #2 is just too corny and I’m leaning more toward zany practicality than wacky humor this morning.

Here be the Rules:

1. Post the rules before you give your answers.

2. List one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother’s maiden name.

3. At the end of your blog post, tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.

I never got the chance to know my maternal grandmother, as she died of breast cancer when Momcat was a teenager. In her honor, I’ll use her maiden name, which was Trask.

T: When I am upset or stressed out, I have a tendency to render technology ineffective. Long-time readers of my blog are familiar with my score-keeping. I’ve had challenges with computer monitors (I’ve had about 3 or 4 monitors die on me, which T-Wizzle finds baffling), printers, my DVD player/recorder, Palm TX, and MP3 player; cell phones; software programs; Internet access; and a host of other products. Someday, this superpower will enable me to take over the world, or at least bring global e-commerce to a grinding halt. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

R: While rebellious wouldn’t be the first word that comes to mind when describing myself, I definitely do act the rebel at times. I have been known to do things just because someone said I couldn’t or shouldn’t. Some positive examples of this are:

  • My high school world history teacher told me that it was hard to get an A in the American history teacher’s class. I said, “Watch me,” and for 3 out of 4 grading periods, I got As in American history. (One quarter I was distracted by a part-time job. Once I quit, I had more time to study and got As again.)
  • My former editor said I’d never get tickets to see Spamalot while in New York for a trade show. Again I said, “Watch me.” I sat in line for nearly 6 hours and got 8th row orchestra seats. I grinned the whole way through and brought my editor back a t-shirt.

I’m waiting for the day when the right person challenges me to lose weight or publish my novel. King Kong ain’t got shit on me! Bring it on!

A: Ever since I was little, I’ve been interested in acting. Back east, I was in my high school’s drama club and performed in a couple readers’ theatre productions with Pops. I’ll admit that part of my motivation for moving to LA was that I wanted to become a famous actress. The thing is, you actually have to work at doing that, and I was always too insecure about my looks & weight to make it happen. I wanted to just show up and become famous. I admire comedians who are super-talented at improvisation, so I’d like to take improv classes at some point. Then who knows? I could finally bite the bullet and really give acting a shot.

S: I have never been one to fear for my personal safety. I have been in some dicey neighborhoods and suspicious places, but I have never felt threatened or scared. I’ve been cautious, sure, and I’ll use my intuition to avoid putting myself in uncomfortable situations. But I feel it’s all about attitude, and I am so freakin’ arrogant that I cannot imagine why anyone would ever want to do harm to me. I’ve said several times that I would walk naked through Watts just to make a point – which goes back to that rebellious thing again. Because of my attitude I have a hard time empathizing with people, especially women, about safety issues. My belief is that fear is the biggest bully you can ever encounter, yet all it takes is one hearty yell to make fear run for the hills.

K: I love singing karaoke. I’ve been doing it since I moved to CA over 7 years ago, starting with a piano bar where the average age of the clientele was 68. Those old folks were so supportive and excited to hear a thirty-something singing old standards, so it gave me the courage to branch out and go to more karaoke joints. The place where I went regularly has gotten more ghetto-tastic, so I’m going to new spots that have a wide variety of songs. I even have a spreadsheet on my Palm TX for tracking songs by venue, but I have yet to buy my own karaoke CDs and bring them with me when I go sing. My favorite artists to cover at karaoke include Journey, Amy Winehouse, Garbage, Heart, Maroon 5, Olivia Newton-John, Britney Spears, Sarah McLachlan…and the hits just keep on comin’.

And now for the tagging of others (links to completed memes are in green):

Staci at Laughing Mommy (because she is my cousin and she loves me, plus it’s payback for the taser Superpoke on Facebook last week)
Arianne at Daily Llama (because she likes memes)
Gifted Typist at Gifted Typist (because she’s cool and I like her writing)
Splotchy at I, Splotchy (because no-meme month is over)
Beckeye at The Pop Eye (because she loves ONJ as much as me, if not more)

Friday’s Hot Tip: Technology

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I haven’t had a working cell phone since the beginning of January, which initially caused me a great deal of stress. Now just looking at what I owe AT&T causes stress…but that’s not the point here. Since I’d given up my home phone and gone mobile-only, I was outta luck for arranging job interviews, coordinating outings with friends, and checking in with Momcat and Pops. I think it was T-Wizzle who suggested I look into Internet phones – it would be logical that she would make this suggestion, as she is the most techno-savvy friend I have. Everyone should have their own T-Wizzle, and I’m sure she would agree. She’s just that kind of girl. Be sure to lock up your good whiskey before she comes over, though. But I digress.

I am a big user of Yahoo Messenger, so I looked into Yahoo Voice for making Internet phone calls. There are two components to Yahoo Voice: Phone Out and Phone In. With Phone Out, you can make calls from your computer to any phone number worldwide for incredibly low rates. Within the United States, it’s one cent a minute. Yes, I said one cent. For my Canadian readers, it’s one cent per minute for you as well. Got friends in Swaziland? Giving ‘em a ring will cost you 12 cents a minute. What about a call to Down Under? One minute will set you back about 0.018 cents. The beauty of the Phone Out setup is that there are no setup fees; if you have a PC, an Internet connection, and Yahoo Messenger (which is free to download and use), you’re ready to make calls. At the end of January I bought $10 worth of minutes…and as of March 7, I have $7.67 left. Anyone that knows me in the real world knows that I can talk and chatter for days, so for me to have such a high credit balance is pretty amazing. Either that or I’ve been pretty closemouthed…nah, not possible.

Being able to call out is all fine and good, but in my situation I needed a phone number where I could be reached as well. That’s where Yahoo Voice’s Phone In becomes very handy. For a fee of $2.99 per month (or $2.49 per month if you pay for 12 months in advance), you can get a phone number that rings at your computer. For U.S. users, you get to choose from a wide selection of area codes and phone numbers. Through Yahoo’s Phone In, I finally got a number in one of the most desirable area codes in L.A., so I feel like one of the cool kids. Again, the Phone In service works with Yahoo Messenger, so anywhere you’re on the Internet and you’re on Yahoo Messenger, you can receive calls. Don’t feel like answering? Let the call go to voicemail. And if by some crazy chance you’re not online, any incoming calls will go to voicemail.

Which leads me to the one drawback with this service: you can’t customize your voicemail greeting. That is, I couldn’t find anything on Yahoo Voice’s website to tell me how to do this. My guess is that this capability will come in the next version or so, because as everyone knows, you can’t stop progress. You can’t stop the beat, either, but again, I digress.

“But what about the sound quality, Moxie?” I hear you ask. Well, my friends, the sound quality is excellent. I live on a busy street and sometimes I have to jack up the volume in order to hear everything, but everyone I have talked to via Yahoo Voice has said the sound was crystal clear and distortion free. The only time I had issues with distortion was when I talked to Deena, my friend who lives in the sticks on the East Coast and has some cell phone issues to begin with.

So if you’re looking to set up a business line on the cheap, or you want to make some long distance phone calls without spending a ton of money, put your miked headset to work and buy some time on Yahoo Voice. In fact, the first 4 people that e-mail me (see address on the sidebar) will get hooked up with free minutes on Yahoo Voice, so you can try it for yourself. Check it!

Friday’s Hot Tip:Technology

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As I’m trying to get my life together, I’m looking to technology to help me. Part of this process includes tracking all of those IDs, passwords, and other miscellaneous data that I keep accruing as I sign up for various and sundry things on the Internet. I have an Excel spreadsheet I started, but it’s not particularly secure, and considering all the drama I’ve been through recently with Joe, I don’t really want all this info lying around.

This is where SplashID comes in. It’s a software program that allows a safe haven for all your user IDs, passwords, and other data. You set a master password for the program, and once you’ve entered it, you have access to all your oh-so-private data. Need to quickly look up your Visa number, but your wallet is in the other room? With SplashID, you can pull up the information with a few clicks.

The SplashID software has preformatted several types of items you may need to track, such as:

  • locker combinations
  • e-mail accounts
  • bank accounts
  • website logins
  • identification, such as drivers license, Social Security Numbers
  • clothes sizes
  • frequent flyer info

You can add your own types as well, specifying the field labels and what information, if any, needs to be hidden or “masked.” Since I have a couple accounts I use for online messaging, I created a type called “Online Messaging”, with fields for my user ID, password, and security answer (in response to those goofy questions such as “What is the maiden name of your mother’s first pet that went to elementary school?”).

If you’re like me and you already have an electronic file with all of your user IDs and passwords, it’s easy enough to import the file into SplashID. All I had to do was turn my Excel spreadsheet into a CSV file, then import it that way. The Help file on SplashID walks you through the process very easily.

The challenge I’ve had with this product has more to do with Palm and Microsoft Vista than SplashData, the software manufacturer. Palm has dropped the ball technologically speaking, and as a result their products are not always compliant with what Microsoft is doing. That’s really a nice way of saying, “Palm is dumber than a soapdish, and Microsoft Vista sucks.” I have not been able to get my desktop version of SplashID to sync with my Palm TX version of SplashID – and it’s really supposed to be a simple process.* But alas, Palm’s new Vista-friendly HotSync program doesn’t want to make nice with many third-party software applications, such as SplashData’s products. As a result I’ve had to manually enter my SplashID Desktop data onto my TX. All you Palm users out there, don’t get Vista! It will screw up everything you’ve worked for on your Palm PDA and/or SmartPhone! (stepping down from soapbox and brushing off my sleeves)

My issues with syncing aside, SplashID is a great product for safely tracking all those little numbers and goofy alphanumeric combinations that the Man forces us to use in order to keep our stuff secure. I give it an A-.

*Update: My contact for Splash Products has given me info on how to make the sync work, so I’ll try it out. I don’t think he realizes I’m a mutant with the power to disable technology, however. We’ll see how this goes.

Chatter

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My girl T-Wizzle and I love to talk. Phone, instant messenger, e-mail, it doesn’t matter. We are always yammering. When we’re together, people will openly eavesdrop and say, “I am really enjoying listening to you two.” I don’t blame them. Our discussions range from funny to insightful to informative, and sometimes that’s all in one conversation. Here’s a sampling from the last few weeks.

On celebrities:
T-Wizzle: You know, when you look at Justin Timberlake, he’s got a white trash face.
Moxie: Huh?
T-Wizzle: He’s got that long pointy nose, and that weird chin, and you can just tell what he’s going to look like when he’s old and has no teeth.
Moxie: (laughing)
T-Wizzle: Seriously, you can tell he’s from Tennessee. But that boy can dance and sing… I can see why everyone is trying to give him some. Cameron probably lost her damn mind.

On technology and world politics:

Moxie: I want data on who’s reading my blog, but I don’t know how to get it.
T-Wizzle: What are you going to do with the data?
Moxie: Nothing really, I just want to know who’s reading me. (pause) I think I found something I can use.
T-Wizzle: What did you find?
Moxie: A site called lasturl.com. They provide a counter, and then you can log in to their site and see stats.
T-Wizzle: That’s cool. Then will you take over the world? Cause honestly, that’s what I am waiting on.
Moxie: I thought YOU were taking over the world this week. Next week it’s my turn.
T-Wizzle: Oh, well…I will go in 2 weeks cause I need to get my hair done first.
Moxie: That’s what you say every time: “Oh, I can’t take over the world this week, it will conflict with my hair appointment” or “I can’t do it this week because my hair is a mess.”
Next you’ll be telling me that you’ve changed your mind about taking over the world – that you just want a small third-world country that hasn’t been overrun by well-meaning celebrities.
T-Wizzle: Oh, umm…I meant to tell you about Burma. Paris [Hilton] won’t do it, so, I signed you up to be president. I hope that’s cool.
Moxie: Do I have to learn another language?
T-Wizzle: No, you can speak in English, and refuse to talk to or touch locals.
Moxie: Okay, I’m in.
T-Wizzle: Sweet. The only thing is you have to wear pink every day. Paris agreed to it so now we are stuck with it.
Moxie: Does this mean pink from head to toe, or just pink somewhere on my person?
T-Wizzle: Head to toe.
Moxie: GODDAMMIT.

On public health issues:

Moxie: (watching TV) Okay, these ads for Yaz birth control are a crock. Girls talk about birth control, but they don’t say shit like, “women with a history of heart disease shouldn’t take this” and “side effects include bloating and interval bleeding”. Especially NOT at a party.
T-Wizzle: What do you mean? Internal bleeding is a common topic of convo at parties I go to. You must not be plugged in.
Moxie: Really? Well, there you go.
T-Wizzle: Yeah. Bleeding, cuts, malaria.
Moxie: Hemorrhaging?
T-Wizzle: Sometimes, depends on the crowd.
Moxie: Hmm, good to know.
T-Wizzle: Lola is always talking about it.
Moxie: Do I know her?
T-Wizzle: well, she IS invisible, so a lot of people know her.
Moxie: That could explain why I’ve never seen her, but why the name is familiar.
T-Wizzle: Yeah, she hangs out a lot of places because it’s cheap for her to fly. And because she’s invisible, she’s super fascinated by blood.

On lunch menus:
T-Wizzle: I am trying to decide what to make for lunch. I don’t have any bread, and I’m out of salad.
Moxie: Have any veggies & cooked meat you could toss with some dressing? Like tomatoes, green beans, maybe some cheese, a little chicken?
T-Wizzle: Hmmm…no cooked meat, no cooked veggies. I run a tight ship around here.
Moxie: (laughing)
T-Wizzle: I could make a sammich out of some cheese biscuits I have left, although that sounds slightly gross.
Moxie: Ehh, sounds boring. You need something FUN and TASTY.
T-Wizzle: Agreed.

Hey HEY Hey! What’s Happenin’? I’ll Tell You What’s Happenin’…

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Yes, it’s been over 2 weeks since my last post. I haven’t been that quiet since…well, since I was in the womb. Yesterday my friend Johnny Rocket gave me grief for being so quiet, and so in a fit of rebellion against the forces that think I’m no longer blogging, I am posting. You happy now, Johnny?

Let’s rewind to February 25. The Oscar party was a smashing success, even if my predictions did not turn out to be correct. (The Departed won Best Picture and Happy Feet won Best Animated Feature.) I had a few cocktails, met some nice people, sang aloud loudly with Big Red to the Dreamgirls medley, and had a fabulous time. Everyone that attended our party seemed to really enjoy themselves, which was our ultimate goal.

True to Mercury retrograde form, I had more issues with my Internet connection. Again, I called Charter for help, and once again, I got the automated attendant that wanted to help me. But I finally found a way to bypass the system and get a tech support person. The conversation went like this:

Charter: Let’s see if I can get you back online-

Moxie: Oh no no no, we’re not going there again. Wait for help.

Charter: I’m sorry, I didn’t get that. Tell me again what the problem is. If you can’t connect to the Internet, say “can’t connect”-

Moxie: You can’t help me! Wait for help!

Charter: It sounds like your signal is weak. Let’s try-

Moxie: No no no! You stupid bitch! Wait for help!

Charter: I’m sooo sorry, I didn’t get that.

Moxie: Oh sweet Jesus.

Charter: Let me connect you to a technician. (Series of clicks, then a tech is on the line.)

Apparently all I needed to do was call on the name of the Lord to reach tech support. Who knew Jesus was so techno-savvy? Actually, I bet T-Wizzle did. She knows everything. At least that’s what she keeps telling me.**

Last Monday I went to my French language Meetup group. Whenever I go to these meetings, I get very quiet and focus mainly on listening. But that doesn’t really help me become fluent, which is my ultimate goal. I want to be fluent in French so I can go to France and visit one of my childhood friends, who lives in Brittany with her husband & 2 kids. But just sitting and listening to other people speak en francais doesn’t do me much good if I can’t communicate beyond Je m’appelle Moxie and Je voudrais un bouteil du vin blanc.* The truth is that I know how I learn best: by reading a textbook, listening to a teacher pronounce the words, getting examples of how to use the words, taking notes, and trying it myself. So a class may be in order. Next step: manifesting the coin to go take a class.
Last Wednesday I hosted a girls’ night at my place. Three friends, including Big Red, came over with French-influenced treats and drinks, and we noshed and watched Marie Antoinette. I have been obsessed with Marie Antoinette since I was 7. When I went to England & France as a kid, my parents bought me a little Marie Antoinette doll. I pretended my hand was a guillotine and beheaded the doll on a regular basis. Yes, I was an odd child.

This past Saturday I went to see 300 in IMAX. Wow, what a spectacle. And that was just the line to get into the theater. The movie was very good – I expected the worst when it came to violence and gore, but it was fairly manageable. What made up for all the gore was the great story and the men. I could not stop staring at those fine-looking Spartans. There is nothing like an army of ripped, half-naked Spartan warriors to get a girl all ferhoodled. To the person that cast the men in this film, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Seeing the film in IMAX adds some intensity to the film, especially during the love scene between Leonidas and his queen. You’ve got to have a very positive body image to agree to having your nakedness displayed on a 7-story movie screen. I, for one, am thankful that Gerard Butler is open to baring his ass and abs. Thanks, Gerry, you made my night.

My milkshake continues to bring the boys to the yard. During a night of karaoke a couple weeks ago, I had a nice time hanging out with Joe (not his real name), a bad-ass-looking dude that turned out to be very warm and friendly, and well-read too. Last night I had a strange experience where a married man I’ve known for a couple of months propositioned me, claiming he had an “open relationship” with his wife. I admit, the attention was flattering. But to have a fling with someone who’s married wouldn’t help me achieve my goal to have a committed, loving relationship with a wonderful man. And I don’t think his wife would appreciate it much, either. I turned him down.

Okay, there you go, Johnny, a blog post. I hope you enjoyed it – and the same goes for the rest of my readers. I’m off to have a little wine and watch “Lost”.

*Translated: My name is Moxie and I would like a bottle of white wine.

**For those of you keeping score at home, that’s Technology 3, Moxie 2.

Technology 2, Moxie 1

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My Internet access was down for nearly 2 days. Considering my electronic devices’ proclivity to having meltdowns at inopportune moments, I guess being Internet-less isn’t that much of a shocker. But it’s still annoying and makes me feel like I am cut off from the world.

It started on Friday morning. The lights on my modem weren’t lit up like Christmas, as they should be. I tried to get online – no luck. I unplugged the modem and then plugged it back in. Still no juice. I went to work out and came home. Did the unplug-plug routine again. Still nothing. I tried to think about other things, such as my life path, what I wanted for lunch, and what to do with my hair. But I couldn’t stop feeling annoyed about my lack of Internet. I called T-Wizzle to bitch about the situation. Then I called Charter, my Internet provider.

I’ve worked on several customer service hotlines and I know how helpful it can be to have an automated attendant to direct and screen calls. Charter has this voice-activated system that attempts to help users get their Internet working again. While trying to get to a customer service rep, I got into this system. It uses a woman’s voice and she sounds like a soccer-mom-meets-phone-sex-operator. I’m sure this is by design. If someone has a sexy voice, you’re more likely to put up with pretty much anything.

The “conversation” went like this:

Charter: While you’re waiting, let’s see if I can help you get back online. When you’re ready to begin, say “Continue.”
Moxie: Continue.
Charter: Great. Let’s first disconnect your cable modem. Once you’ve unplugged it, say “Continue.”
Moxie (pulling out cord) : Continue.
Charter: Okay, while we’re waiting, go ahead and power down your computer. I’ll give you a few minutes to do this. When you’re ready, say “Continue.”
Moxie (powering down and muttering): Continue.
Charter: Great. We’ll give it some time to reset. While we’re doing that, I need to find out what kind of modem you have. If there’s a name printed on the front of your modem, please say the name now.
Moxie: SMC Networks.
Charter: I’m sorry, I didn’t get that. Please say the name again.
Moxie (enunciating and speaking louder): SMC NETWORKS.
Charter: I’m sooo sorry, I still didn’t get that. I’ll give you a list of modems that Charter supports, and once you hear the name, please say it. If you don’t hear it, say “Other Modem.”
(She gives me a list. In my head I start cursing out Fry’s Electronics for selling cheap-ass crappy products.)
Moxie: Other modem.
Charter: Okay, great. Go ahead and power up your computer. Is the modem working now?
Moxie (getting even more annoyed): No.
Charter: Okay, let’s look at some other options. Sometimes the splitter can go bad. To see if this is the case, disconnect the cable coming in from the outside and connect it directly to your modem. I’ll give you time to do this. Once you’ve done this, say “Continue.”
Moxie (assesses the wiring and realizes that she cannot easily get the modem to reach the cable): …
Charter: I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that. When you’re ready, say “Continue.”
Moxie (sighs heavily): …
Charter: I’m sooo sorry, I still didn’t get that. When you’re ready, say “Continue.”
Moxie (yelling): For the love of Steve, this is not helping! Give me a f*****g person!
Charter: I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.
Moxie (muttering) : Of course you didn’t, you stupid bitch.
Charter: I’m sooo sorry, I still didn’t get that. If you’d like to speak to a customer service representative, please say “Wait for help.”
Moxie (head exploding): Wait for help.
(series of beeps)
Charter: Your wait time is eight minutes.
Moxie (yelling): Oh f*** me hard! (hangs up)

On Saturday morning, there was still no Internet. I call Charter again and get right through to a customer service rep. She tells me how sorry she is that I don’t have Internet access, and attempts to empathize with me. Lady, I appreciate your attempts to make me feel better, but you’re gushing like my dog died, I think to myself. Settle down. She says she can send out a tech that day. I’m going to get my hair done at 1:30 p.m., but she says they will call twice before they show up. My other option is to wait until Tuesday, and that is not going to work for me. Already I have the shakes from not getting my daily fix of blogs and Google.

I miss the first phone call – it came while the haircolor was seeping into my follicles. I keep the phone on my stylist’s counter should they call back. When the appointment’s over, I rush home, hoping that the tech will call back as promised and not just show up at my door. It’s now about 3:45 p.m.

I wait. And wait. And wait. What is going on? Did they forget about me? Do they have no love for Moxie? I sit and think about my life. Mossimo the cat comes to lay on my lap. We talk about current events. I call T-Wizzle again to bitch.

At 6:30 p.m. I fall asleep on the couch and wake up a little after 7. The service call was for all day, from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. I look at the modem. Whoa…it’s lit up the way it is when it’s connected. Could it be…? I go to the computer. Sweet Jeebus, it’s working! It’s working! I think falling asleep redirected my superpowers away from the modem, allowing it to reset without my telekinetic interference. Or the tech just went outside and fixed something at the central box for the building. Whatever. The fact is it’s working, and all is right with the world once again.