Coffee Talk

Lately I’ve been thinking about drinking coffee. I’ve never been a coffee drinker. I like the smell and the theory behind it, especially behind the flavored coffee beverages that aren’t true coffee and are crafted for non-coffee aficionados. It’s the side effects of coffee that bother me.

I tried drinking coffee once. My last experience with java was in 1999 at Seattle’s Best Coffee. I ordered a Raspberry Kiss, which featured raspberry syrup and white chocolate flavoring. After the first sip I realized that it was an espresso-based drink, and instantly my stomach seized up in terror. But I forced myself to drink at least ¼ of it – hey, that stuff is expensive, don’t want to waste it. Big mistake. The espresso gave me such bad diarrhea, I was afraid to be less than 15 feet from a toilet. Coupled with the gastrointestinal distress was severe hyperactivity and restlessness. Not a pleasant combination.

But maybe if I start off with the low-octane stuff, like a café latte, I could teach my body to tolerate it. Then I could gradually move up to the harder stuff, like cappuccino.

Oh hell, let’s face it. I just want more beverage options at Starbucks. I’m burned out on their chai and herbal tea. Plus I checked Starbucks’ website for nutritional info, and most of the coffee drinks have fewer calories than chai. Not the frappy frapness though. That stuff is lethal. All the frappy fraps look incredibly tasty, but have nutritional values that are almost as bad as a Big Mac. Yikes.