Casting into the Waters: Symbolism, Spiritual Practice and Tashlich

Judaism has interested me for many years, probably due in large part to the fact that I was raised Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) and there’s a correlation between SDAs and Jews in how they observe the Sabbath (Friday sundown to Saturday sundown) and their dietary restrictions (SDAs encourage and promote vegetarianism, but those who do eat meat will typically shun pork and shellfish). When you grow up in a religious tradition that is a bit outside of the box, even among other evangelical Christian groups, it’s nice to feel understood in some small part by another religious group without having to go into long explanations. This is particularly handy when you talk to fellow Gen X’ers about why you are completely unfamiliar with Friday night TV shows and Saturday morning cartoons during the pre-VCR years.

The Chosen, Chaim Potok I also had an English teacher at my SDA high school who was part Jewish and he had us read The Chosen by Chaim Potok, explaining to us about Jewish traditions and holidays. Momcat and I ended up reading all of Potok’s novels and she, too, was very interested in Judaism. Pops had a colleague whose father had been a rabbi, so she would ask him a bunch of questions about what services were like, the reasons for certain traditions (she particularly liked the use of stones on graves as a remembrance).

I think it’s all these things combined that make me very aware when the Jewish high holidays start. Tonight marks the first night of Rosh Hashanah, the beginning of the Jewish new year. I spent this morning reading about Rosh Hashanah traditions: the blowing of the shofar, eating round challah with honey, eating apples with honey, eating part of a fish or ram’s head. Not sure I would be up for that last one, but I do like the symbolism behind it.

It’s the symbolism behind many Jewish traditions that I find the most fascinating. I don’t recall feeling like it was okay to use or wear symbols of my faith or spirituality while growing up SDA. There were baby dedications in church, and full immersion baptism once you’d studied with your pastor, but iconography and talismans weren’t used or encouraged. I don’t remember any other symbolic gestures or rituals, and in hindsight I think I needed those to help me connect to a higher power.

During this morning’s research on Rosh Hashanah, I learned about Tashlich. The basic premise, as I understand it, is to cast your sins into a body of water. After the Tashlich prayer is recited, you shake your clothes as if to shake off the sins.

Tashlich, Tashlich prayer, Rosh Hashanah
Tashlich prayers (Image courtesy Chabad.org)

But here’s what really spoke to me about this tradition (taken from Chabad.org):

The goal of Tashlich is to cast both our sins and the Heavenly prosecutor (a.k.a. the Satan) into the Heavenly sea. And when we shake our clothes after the Tashlich prayer, this is a tangible act to achieve the spiritual goal of shaking sins from our soul.

Needless to say, the physical motions near the water and fish of Tashlich are not what grant us atonement. But if we pay attention to the symbolism and apply the sincere desire to heal our relationship with G‑d as portrayed in the physical demonstrations of Tashlich, then it serves as a crucial part in the process of repenting and returning to G‑d in purity.

When I lived in Southern California, I often went to the beach to look out at the ocean and have a talk with the universe about what was bothering me. Seeing dark, deep water stretched out in front of me, with no land in sight, was symbolic to me of how vast the soul is, how there is so much going on beneath the surface that I cannot even begin to fathom, but that as I dive down into the depths of my being I can find those parts of myself that need healing, bring them to the surface, then release them back into the water. Going to the beach to process was a huge part of my spiritual growth.

What’s clear to me in this moment is that what I was doing was a form of Tashlich: casting my troubles into the deep sea, letting a higher power help me release them from my soul. I found the symbols I needed and in so doing, I found the spiritual connection and inner peace I craved. And now, every time I go to the ocean, whether the Atlantic or Pacific, I know I can find it again.

Sunset Beach, CA – my favorite place to chat with the universe. (Image courtesy californiasbestbeaches.com)

Shanah Tovah to my Jewish friends, followers and readers.

Faces of Depression, Day 31 – Final Thoughts

What a month it’s been. When I started this online chronicle of my depression, my goal was to show people that depression can sometimes look very different than the sad-sack-on-the-couch-eating-junk-food stereotype. Sometimes depression wears heavy makeup and does its hair. Other times it puts on a little lip gloss and calls it a day.

I didn’t realize just how closely connected my anxiety is to my depression. As a result this ended up being a chronicle of both anxiety and depression. For me, my anxiety builds up, then leads to depression because I am so anxious I don’t want to deal with anything, which makes me depressed. It is a vicious, horrible cycle that can be challenging to break.

I used a very arbitrary system to rank my depressive feelings, and if I were to do this online chronicle again, I would work out a different scaling system that looks at anxiety as well.

On this final day of the month, I am doing okay – some anxiety over money, per the usual, but in a relatively good mood. I voted early, thanks to the DMV getting my new license to me so promptly, and I’m glad to have that done. Now to spend a relaxing night with the cats, watching Hulu or Netflix.

Thanks to all who commented, here or on social media, and shared their support and encouragement.

Final selfie for the month. Today was a 7 out of 10.
Final selfie for the month. Today was a 7 out of 10.

Faces of Depression, Day 30

A decent day with some irritability over trivial matters. Finished a sewing project I’d been putting off for a couple months, which was a good feeling. That said, there are some errors in the finished product that annoy me, but I’m not sure that I can fix them without getting more annoyed. One of those matters that need to be slept on in order to make a decision.

I also felt overexposed to political news today and that definitely lended to my irritability. I was at Pops’ for a couple hours this evening and he kept putting on news stations which are 24-7 presidential election nonsense. I’m oversaturated at this point and it’s stressing me out. Fortunately he changed the channel to Gran Torino, the movie featuring a grumpy Clint Eastwood dealing with his irritability and racism. It comes full circle.

I have a touch of the Sunday night blues but a glass of Zin is quickly mellowing me out. Today was a 8 out of 10, with a couple 7 moments.

Tired and slightly grumpy, but in a relatively good mood. Today was a 8 out of 10.
Tired and slightly grumpy, but in a relatively good mood. Today was a 8 out of 10.

Faces of Depression, Day 29

Was so busy enjoying my day, I nearly forgot to post. Leisurely morning and early afternoon, then I decided I needed to get out into nature while the weather was nice and it was still light out. I went to a park I loved as a kid, which isn’t far from where I live, and visited the nature center – which hasn’t changed much in 30+ years – then walked along one of the trails for a while. No one else was out there, and it was incredibly peaceful and rejuvenating. I startled a few white tailed deer in the woods, walked into my quota of spiderwebs for the year, and avoided anything that looked remotely like poison ivy.

On the way back to the house I stopped at Jerry’s Subs, another beloved local institution for me, and got one of my favorite meals from them: a veggie melt sub, fries, and birch beer. Just as delicious as I remember.

Depression and anxiety were far from my mind most of the day, and the little things that came up floated away because I didn’t hold on to them. I’m going to say today was a 10.

It's me, in the woods, wearing a cap and the mildly creepy eye  necklace I break out every year at Halloween.
It’s me, in the woods, wearing a cap and the mildly creepy eye necklace I break out every year at Halloween.

Faces of Depression, Day 28

After several high stress days in a row, I decided to take it easy today, which made for a good day. Went to Pops’ house and had a nice lunch and long visit with him and his girlfriend, then came back and did my nails. I also felt extra cute in my pink beanie that cousin Sasha knitted for me. Today was a 8 out of 10.

My head is warm AND I look cute? Oh yeah.

Faces of Depression, Day 27

Another long, busy day. Some moments of anxiety and the corresponding moments of depression, but the busyness of the day meant I didn’t dwell on those moments for too long. Made some chili in the Crock Pot that turned out great – a good home-cooked meal, along with some nice wine, always soothes my soul. Last night an old friend invited me to Thanksgiving at her house, too, and the good vibes from that conversation also resonate today. I didn’t feel super fantastic, but I also felt better than a 5, so I’d say today was a 7 out of 10.

Car selfie time (the vehicle was stationary). Wearing the beanie my cousin knitted for me - I love the color. Today was a 6 out of 10.
Car selfie time (the vehicle was stationary). Wearing the beanie my cousin knitted for me – I love the color. Today was a 7 out of 10.

Faces of Depression, Day 26

Since the last 2 days were spent at the DMV, today was a catch-up day: client work, grocery shopping, laundry. In the morning, I had some nasty anxiety pop up related to finances (yet again), so I meditated using Wayne Dyer’s Meditations for Manifestation, which usually helps me shift my focus. Combined with my litany of affirmations, I feel I have some decent tools to combat the anxiety and depression that crops up. Today was a 5 out of 10.

Took this photo at 8:45 pm. I'm tired but not too overwhelmed with depression or anxiety. That said, I'm looking forward to bedtime. Today is a 5 out of 10.
Took this photo at 8:45 pm. I’m tired but not too overwhelmed with depression or anxiety. That said, I’m looking forward to bedtime. Today was a 5 out of 10.

Faces of Depression, Day 25

Another long day dealing with the DMV, including an unexpected trip to another DMV office because the first one was having computer issues and couldn’t access the information necessary to register my car. But it’s all done now and I won’t have to deal with it again for another 2 years.

My anxiety went up as the day wore on, again related to money matters. Not having the time to pursue business leads or apply for jobs because I’m stuck in lines is frustrating and stresses me out. I think there is a part of me that likes the heightened stress/anxiety because I seem to put myself in these situations so often. I need to knock it out.

Today had some lows and highs, but all in all I’d say it was a 5 out of 10.

Took this photo after they announced the delays at the DMV. I'm tired and over it. Today was a 5 out of 10.
Took this photo around 11 am, right after they announced the delays due to computer system problems at the DMV. I’m tired and over it. Today was a 5 out of 10.

Faces of Depression, Day 24

Today was a long day of dealing with lines and forms and paperwork. Spent over an hour at the DMV getting my driver’s license, then spent another 30 minutes or so getting auto insurance. It wasn’t horrendous – the woman at the DMV gave me some unexpected good news, but I won’t find out until tomorrow if the information she gave me was correct. Oh yes, I have to go back tomorrow. I know how to party.

While the day was long and involved way more driving than I anticipated, I didn’t experience too much stress, anxiety or depression. Still having some financial anxiety and doing my best to keep it at bay. I’m using several new affirmations I picked up from the Louise Hay documentary, and they are helping bolster the ones on my regular rotation. Today was a 7 out of 10.

Took this at the DMV a little after 10 am, when I first arrived and the lines were blessedly short. Didn't get out of there until after noon, though. Today was a 7 out of 10.
Took this at the DMV a little after 10 am, when I first arrived and the lines were blessedly short. Didn’t get out of there until after noon, though. Today was a 7 out of 10.

Faces of Depression, Day 23

Lazy day. Stayed up late watching a fantastic, inspiring documentary about Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life, and got up early because the cats were out of dry food and acting like they were starving to death. After breakfast at Starbucks and a pet store run, I stopped by the farmers market to check it out. I found some good local produce and chatted with a local coffee roaster, which made me very happy as now I can get beans for my French press. Does that make me a coffee snob? Long surprise nap this afternoon with the cats meant I didn’t get to some of the tasks I’d hoped to today, but it wasn’t anything incredibly pressing. All in all, a relaxed, lazy Sunday that left me feeling good. A few moments of anxiety but I combatted them with affirmations and breathing. Today was an 8 out of 10.

Tired, no makeup, but feeling good overall. Today was a 8 out of 10.
Tired, no makeup, but feeling good overall. Today was a 8 out of 10.