Should old acquaintance be forgot, we’ll still have my resolutions for everyone else. You can read previous years’ entries here. Let’s get to it.
1. Recommit to traditional, classic flavors (Nabisco and Mars).
I’m pointing the finger at you, Oreos and M&Ms. Pumpkin spice? Watermelon? Birthday cake? COME ON. Enough already with this flavored crap.
2. Write and mail one postcard a week (everyone).
As many regular readers know, I’m a big fan of traditional letter and card writing. I get that not everyone is into it, so I’d suggest you start slow: send one postcard a week to someone. Write your favorite quote, share a joke, scribble HELLO in big bold letters. It doesn’t have to be complicated, because you’re going to feel awesome (and a touch self-righteous) when the recipient sends you a text to say, “hey, your card really made my day.”
3. Bring back “Surviving Jack” (Fox).
This sitcom set in the early ’90s about a family with the mom going to law school while the doctor dad had to take a bigger role in parenting their 2 teenagers was truly funny. Who would have thought Chris Meloni from “Oz,” “Law & Order: SVU” and “True Blood” would be a master of comic timing? Yet it was canceled after one season. Such bullshit.
4. Stop holding up Portland as a role model for success (Sacramento).
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone in this town use Portland as an example of how things could/should be for Sacramento. Whether they are talking about being bike- and pedestrian friendly, environmental issues, cost of living, or real estate, it’s as if Sacramento is Jan Brady to Portland’s Marcia, Marcia, Marcia. Truth is, Sacramento has some amazing restaurants run by nationally recognized, award-winning chefs, one of the best bike/pedestrian trails in the country, an eclectic community of creative professionals and developers, and great coffee. How about we focus on being the best Sacramento we can be and let
Marcia Portland do its own thing?
5. Eliminate gender-specific signs in toy aisles (Target, other big box stores).
As a kid I played with Barbies, Matchbox cars, Legos and Lincoln Logs. I don’t remember anyone making a big deal about boy and girl toys, but that was the ’70s, when Marlo Thomas was making sure kids and their parents knew that it was okay for a little boy to play with a doll. Yet something shifted in recent years and now we have to have this conversation again about toys just being toys. Obama gets it, so why can’t the rest of y’all get it, too? Take down the signs and find a new way to categorize toys.
6. Introduce Mexican chocolate/mochas in winter 2015 (Starbucks).
I’m still unclear as to why Starbucks hasn’t come up with a Mexican mocha or Mexican hot chocolate drink yet. I’ve had baristas make me cinnamon dolce mochas, which come damn close, but they are missing that extra kick. So come on, Bux. You have the technology to create an amazing Mexican chocolate syrup. Make it happen.
7. Stop crashing when I am talking to friends (Google Hangouts, Skype).
Long distance friendships mean lots of phone calls, and I rely on Skype and Google Hangouts for the majority of those calls, as they are free. You can imagine how frustrating it is, then, when I’m in the middle of saying something brilliant, or T-Wizzle or another friend is in the middle of telling me how brilliant I am, and Skype disconnects us. How can my friends and I properly stroke each other’s ego if you keep freakin’ crashing, Skype and Google Hangouts?
8. Become extinct (marmorated stink bugs).
This year I kept finding these ugly little stink bugs on my bedroom curtains, loitering on light fixtures, you name it. Fortunately the cats helped me track the turd-brown pests so I could kill them. These bugs are not good for anything or anyone, so maybe if we all channel our energy, we can drive them to extinction.
9. Refrain from using personal experience as an arbiter of others’ experiences (everyone).
Honestly, I think this has been an issue since the dawn of time: we tend to filter what people tell us through a lens of subjectivity. But it often ends up with people feeling hurt, misunderstood, even angry, because we’re not giving any credence to their truth. With so many more reports of police brutality, campus rape, sexual assault and harassment coming to light, it’s becoming even more important to allow other people an opportunity to share their truth without automatically discounting it as false, simply because it doesn’t fit in with personal experience. My cousin Will (not his real name) wrote a brilliant post on Facebook this month on this topic:
In conflict in a marriage when your wife comes to you and tells you there is a problem, that she is hurt, one way to guarantee that a fight will ensue and that the conflict will drive you further apart is to disagree with her feelings. Sometimes I find myself arguing with Kate’s experience trying to change how she feels instead of trying to change the issue. Or worse yet, I use the time to bring up my experience to try to bully her into giving up her feelings. This is so futile and destructive not only because it shirks responsibility, but because it deters future communication. I CANNOT change her experience. The sooner I swallow my pride driven self-protection and let down my weak attempts to defend my own feelings and BELIEVE her, the sooner we can reach a resolution and a deeper connection in our relationship. Love believes all things; I never understood that before. When you love you believe before you understand.
If we truly want the black and white communities to grow closer together and for race relations to improve, the white community needs to start believing blacks when they speak up. I’m tired of all these anecdotes and statistics and comments being thrown around social media insinuating that there is no problem-they are insensitive; especially if the person posting them is white. If blacks say there is a problem, I am going to believe them. We all should. Only then can this conflict take the unity of our great nation to a deeper level.
10. Take a sabbatical (James Franco).
Dude, we all know you’re this multihyphenate, writing poetry and studying literature and making movies that score high on the spectrum of suckitude, as well as starring in some fantastic films. But how can we truly like you if you won’t go away? Seriously, take a year off. And can you maybe take Seth Rogen with you?
What are your resolutions for others in 2015?